Not Him

Caroline, I miss you more than I have ever wanted - 9/9

September 9th, 2022
6:27pm
Jaden's music fit him. That was something Ranboo quickly noticed as the night went on, and eventually, the two were in Jaden's bedroom, listening to whatever Jaden found most interesting at that very second.

Ranboo was sitting on the single bed, but Jaden was too restless for that, he wandered around the room idly, moving things around as if he was cleaning– he wasn't really, but he liked to think that it qualified as such.

Caroline, I miss you more than I ever wanted
I don't know you, but I know that you are beautiful
Caroline, your eyes are little pools of death
You're a waste of my time, but I couldn't care less

Oh, and the way Jaden moved to the beat, not danced, he wasn't quite dancing, just slowly moving along to the song and god it fit him so perfectly. It was so simple. It was so easy, so relaxing, and Ranboo's smile stayed soft as he watched Jaden sway and move to the song, and god, it was so perfect. He needed this. They both needed this. Something simple. Something easy.

And the song, oh the song, it was so Jaden, and Ranboo could imagine Jaden's voice, a dissonant addition that would hold his attention as if it were the purity of an angel, singing along to it with every bit of emotion, all ripped straight from the song.

Ranboo was utterly star-struck, and he had no interest in denying it any longer. This was who he was practically in love with– that was just how it was, even if that guy would define himself as nothing more than a mess to clean up.

Except Ranboo didn't see Jaden as a mess to be cleaned up. There weren't words, Ranboo thought, except for maybe everything. Maybe Jaden was the universe, maybe he was the stars in the sky– honestly, who cared? Jaden was a human being, and a beautiful one at that, scarred and unwilted all the same.

"You confuse me sometimes," started Jaden.

Ranboo didn't really know how to respond to that. Jaden was standing in front of him, staring at him, just standing there.

"Because... I don't– I spent the longest time talking to you about being in love with someone else. And I didn't think that had... changed, at all."

Ranboo felt his heart drop. This felt like a situation where he had accidentally dropped too many hints, and now Jaden was going to explain that he was still interested in fucking Linden, and–

"But then I'm standing in my bedroom, and you're staring at me like that, and I just– how do you do that? You just sit there and look at me, and suddenly I'm just confused again."

"Jaden, I'm– what do you... mean?"

"I didn't think I was into you at all, Ranboo. Seriously. I was sitting there in my bed like last fucking night, like, oh I can't wait to see my best friend, he's helped me through so much, and now– you– fuck you, I hate you.

"...I– I also... am interested in you romantically...?"

"Oh my god, Ranboo, I shouldn't be doing this. I literally fucking tried to get back with my ex-boyfriend like, three times last week! Why are you here? Why are you even trying to make this work? I didn't even think about dating you until like, two hours ago, I'm so–"

"Jaden, I really couldn't care less. About any of that." Ranboo hoped that Jaden could tell that he was being as honest as he could. "I just... like being around you, I guess."

"Using my own words against me, are you?"

"Perhaps."

"I didn't mean it like that when I said it. But now I guess I do... Or... I– I think I did mean it like that. I just didn't realize it. Too busy thinking about men who are horrible to me."

"Well... now you can think about a man who isn't horrible to you. So that's cool."

"This is going to take a lot of time to get used to."

"Well, we can get used to it... together...?"

"Oh, you are so awkward. All the progress we made over not being awkward around each other any more is just gone, isn't it?"

That managed to fluster Ranboo rather easily, actually. "Well– I mean– I– I don't– I mean–"

"So you're gonna be awkward, and I'm gonna be normal. Cool."

"Jaden."

"Mhm?"

Ranboo sighed and shook his head, tearing his eyes away from Jaden for as long as he could manage. "I feel like there's a lot we should talk about here."

"Probably."

"I don't really know what that is."

"Mhm."