Not Him

i don't know you, but i know you are beautiful - 9/16

September 16th, 2022
4:57pm
"Jaden, it says-"

"Shut up. I know what I'm doing."

"But the recipe says-"

"And I say I know what I'm fucking doing."

Ranboo sighed, knowing Jaden was making a mistake but being unable to stop it due to their non-confrontational nature and inability to do anything that would upset Jaden. See, Ranboo was fucking whipped. All they wanted at that point was to see Jaden happy. And if messing up their cupcake recipe made Jaden happy, that was fine.

Music was playing again, whatever Jaden was happy with at the time. Currently, that was She Likes To Get High by Cry Baby. It was a very vibe-y song, as were a lot of Jaden's songs. He hummed along to it as the mixer went, incorporating the dry ingredients with the wet ones.

"She likes to get high," murmured Jaden, along with the song. "She likes to get high, high, high."

"You have a nice voice," complemented Ranboo. "It fits your- like- it fits your music taste well, I think."

Jaden scoffed. "You're far too nice to me."

"Jaden," muttered Ranboo. "You're far too mean to yourself." The tone sounded weird on Ranboo's American tongue which made Jaden laugh.

"Whatever." He turned back to the cookies, but Ranboo grabbed his hand, spinning him back around.

"I'm serious." Ranboo watched Jaden's cheeks flush red, and suddenly they were aware of what they were doing. The song switched. Caroline, Please Kill Me started playing. "You should be nicer to yourself."

"Whatever-"

"It's not whatever Jaden, I care about you, and- and I hate seeing you put yourself down so much. You're... god, you're everything to me."

Ranboo leaned in. Jaden didn't move back. God, is this really happening?

"Ranboo..." Jaden trailed off.

"Can I kiss you?"

Jaden inhaled sharply. "Yes- yeah. Yeah."

Ranboo felt shock wash through him, god, this was happening, "are you sure?"

"Yes, Ranboo. Yes."

Caroline, I miss you more than I ever wanted
I don't know you, but I know you are beautiful.

And as Ranboo closed the gap between their lips, fireflies filled his chest, lighting him up like a lanturn. Jaden had one hand on the counter, the other hand still in Ranboo's and oh, this was so perfect, so, so, perfect. This was everything he had ever dreamed of.

Ranboo felt like they were floating.

Jaden felt like he was falling.

He wasn't ready for this, fuck, he wasn't ready for this, and as addicting as Ranboo's lips on his were, as eagerly as he kissed back, this was not okay. This was terrifying.

Ranboo reluctantly pulled away.

Jaden looked like he had seen a ghost.

"You... okay?"

"Yeah. Yeah, I just-" Jaden took a deep breath. "Wow."

"Yeah."

They did not mean the same thing in the slightest.

"Well... we have cupcakes to bake, huh?"

Ranboo laughed airily. Jaden didn't know what to do. Ranboo clearly did not feel whatever Jaden felt.

"Yeah. Yeah, let's do that."

The rest of the cupcake making adventure felt like something out of a storybook for Ranboo. He'd just kissed his crush, and his crush reciprocated it- right? Of course, Jaden was so... enthusiastic when they kissed, and he was stunned, just like Ranboo, Ranboo was stunned, too! This was something new, this was something interesting, this was something Ranboo needed.

Jaden, however, watched the clock as the cupcakes cooked. He tried to frost them quickly, anything to nicely get Ranboo out of his fucking flat, because god, he needed to be alone right now, he needed to think. He couldn't handle trying to work himself through whatever was going on while Ranboo giddily decorated cupcakes, adding sprinkles and trying their very best to pipe on the frosting, oh god, they were fucking adorable, but Jaden just wasn't ready for this.

"Hey, I better... I should get going." Ranboo stood at the door, coat on, some cupcakes in a container to take home.

"Cya, Ranboo."

"Cya, Jaden. Can I...?" Ranboo was hoping for a kiss goodbye.

Jaden bit his cheek. That wasn't going to go over well, not at all. "I- I'm sorry, Ranboo, I-"

"No, it's- I get it, it's okay."

"I'm just overwhelmed."

"It's okay." Ranboo smiled, and Jaden believed him. It was okay.

Jaden's heart hurt as the door shut. He chose this. He chose to say no. He couldn't be upset now, now that Ranboo was gone. This is what he wanted. Time alone. Time to think. Time to sort out his brain.

Oh, god, Jaden was in so much fucking trouble.