Your Guardian Angel (BxB)

Chapter 13: Wish You Were Here

December eighth.

Today marks the one year anniversary of the day my mom died. I've been really dreading today. I was always really close with my mom, and for her to be taken out of this world so suddenly...it fucked me up really bad, I doubt I'll ever be able to get over it.

I've already been up to the cemetery to visit her grave a few times, but today especially feels like the right time for another visit. I pull back the curtain and look outside. It started snowing out a little bit ago. It's definitely nowhere near being a blizzard, but it's not just some tiny little flurries either. It's almost four-thirty, and I've got a feeling the weather's going to get worse. I should head out now before that happens. I'm pretty sure the cemetery is due to close soon anyway.

I pull out the skateboard Tommy had given me a few weeks ago from under my bed, quickly pull on my Vans, and head downstairs. Dad and Audrey are sitting in the kitchen, talking about something.

"Hey, I'm going out. I'll be back before it gets dark." I say to them, and quickly head for the door before either of them have a chance to call me back into the kitchen. Obviously, Dad knows what today is, and he's never had a problem with me going to the cemetery before.

Even though I'm wearing a fairly thick hoodie, I'm still pretty cold. The wind blowing past me as I skate through the snow-covered streets isn't really helping either. "Guess I'll have to remember to wear two hoodies next year." I mumble to myself. Thanks, Mother Nature.

I pull over onto the sidewalk briefly to let a plow truck pass by. I look up at the cloudy, gray sky and the small white snowflakes slowly falling from it, enjoying how calm everything looks. Combine that with Shinedown (they were Mom's favorite band) playing over my headphones, and it's bringing back a lot of memories. I've never been able to figure out why, but winter's always been a super nostalgic time for me. My mind starts drifting...

*FLASHBACK*

"You know you've got to start working on that Christmas list." Mom pipes up from the driver's seat. I can feel her staring at me through the rearview mirror, and I resist the urge to roll my eyes. It's the same thing every year: Once Thanksgiving was over, Mom would start getting on my case about stuff I want for Christmas and making a list. December literally just started, it's only the third. I've still got plenty of time.

"I'll get on it, I promise." I reply, turning my head to look out the window and observe the snowfall. We had gone out to dinner, and now we're heading home. Dad was supposed to come with us, but he ended up having to stay late at work. It started snowing pretty hard out, and because the plow trucks are still clearing off the roads, we're currently stuck sitting in traffic. I briefly glance at the small digital numbers displayed on the radio: 7:59.

"I know you will, but please don't wait until the last minute again."

"I've got a couple things in mind." I'd normally tell her that just to get her off my case, even if I didn't know what I wanted, but this year, I'm being completely truthful. The one thing that's currently at the top of my list is Assassin's Creed Origins. One of my cousins got it for her birthday, and she's said really good things about it. I haven't been this excited to play a game in a while. But other than that, my list doesn't have much: Band shirts, hoodies, maybe a few albums. My Christmas lists have been like that for the past few years, I imagine it'll stay that way for the next few holidays.

"Oh yeah? Isn't that what you tell me every year, and it's never true?" I can hear the smile in her voice.

"Well, this time it is. I'll start working on a list once we get home. If we ever get home, that is." I peer out the window at the seemingly endless lines of traffic around us. A truck near us honks its horn loudly at the car in front of it. Ugh, I have a feeling we're going to be stuck here for a while. Oh well, at least school will probably get called off tomorrow.

"Right. Well, I hope you got something to do back there, because I think it'll be a while before we get moving again." Mom says.

I sigh loudly, leaning back into the seat. I'm tired, and all I want right now is to get home where it's warm and go to sleep. Hmm, maybe I could take a nap while we wait. At least it'll be something to pass the time. Up front, Mom turns on the radio and starts switching through the channels before stopping on the local alternative rock station. I can never remember the name of it, but it's our favorite station. I start to doze off as the radio announcer plays the next song: "Still Breathing" by Green Day. Mmm, I've always liked this song...

"Get some rest, kiddo. We'll be home soon, I promise." Mom's voice rings out as I drift off to sleep.

*End of flashback*

"Oh shit!" I shout and quickly brake to avoid crashing into the cemetery gates, skidding on a patch of ice and almost falling in the process. Christ, that could've ended badly. Guess that's a sign I should stop listening to music while I skate. I look around, watching for any signs of other people in the cemetery. It looks pretty empty to me. But with how the weather currently is, I can't say I'm surprised...

I start walking, taking care to go slow so I don't slip on a hidden patch of ice. As creepy as it might sound, I've always enjoyed walking around the graveyard. Even now, when it's getting dark out, freezing cold and snowing, it all seems strangely...peaceful.

I stop in front of a headstone further back in the field and kneel in front of it, ignoring the snow. A few small patches of moss are scattered around the gray slab, but the name etched into it is still visible:

"Katherine Marie Rogers"

I stare down at those words for what seems like hours, trying my best to hold back the tears building up in my eyes. God, why did this have to happen? Why couldn't things have turned out differently?

I take a deep breath. "Hey, Mom. How are things up there?" I say after a while of sitting there in complete silence. I know I probably look crazy talking to a grave, but every time I come here, I can feel a presence nearby, like somebody's watching me. I've always believed in ghosts and stuff ever since I was a kid, so I like to imagine the presence I'm feeling is Mom, showing up to check on me.

"Life's been pretty crazy these past few months. Dad's got a new girlfriend. Her name's Audrey. I guess I should've known that would happen, but I still wasn't expecting it, at least not this soon. I was kinda suspicious of her at first. But she's really nice, I like her. And Dad's been a lot happier, they seem like a good match for each other. I think you two would've gotten along pretty well."

I pick at a few strands of grass poking out from beneath the thin layer of snow. "That's not all. I finally got a boyfriend. His name's Tommy, and he's...God, he's so sweet, so handsome and so good to me. There's so much I could say, I really don't deserve him. I know I told you that I'd probably never end up dating again after everything that happened between me and Danny, but...well, I guess that was a lie, wasn't it? Don't get me wrong, I still think about Danny a lot, and...I still miss him." Besides Mika and Tommy, Mom was the only other person to know the full story of what happened between me and Danny, and I'm still so thankful she was so supportive during that time. "I've been doing a lot better. I just really wish you could be here to see that."

Despite my best efforts, the tears start streaming down my face. "I wish you were still here, I wish none of this ever happened. I...I miss you, I miss you so fucking much."

I sit there in front of the headstone for a while, trying to catch my breath and calm down. I take a deep breath and wipe my face with my sleeve. "I wish I could stay longer, but it's cold as hell out here. I'm probably gonna end up freezing to death if I don't go home now." I stand up and brush the snow off of my knees. "I promise I'll be back as soon as I can. I love you, Mom." I turn and start walking quickly. The snowfall is starting to get heavier, and the air feels much colder now.

As I exit the gates and get back on my board, I feel a sudden sense of safety course through me. Odd, that hasn't happened any other time I came. Maybe Mom really is watching over me, and this is her sending me a sign to comfort me, her way of reassuring me that things are going to be okay for me.