The Rule Book

The Movies

"Hello and welcome to [REDACTED] theater. We're glad you could make it. Before watching your movie we have a list of rules we'd like you to follow just for safety precautions you know! Now you enjoy your movie [REDACTED]!"

The woman said as she cheerily waved me away. Tucked away in my ticket was a small list of rules. I'd never seen a theater do this but I figured with as popular as the theater was, maybe they had to implant rules to make sure everything ran smoothly. That's what I thought at least but as I opened the rule list I stopped dead in my tracks.

1. When going to the snack counter only go in aisle 1. The rest of them are not meant for you human entities.

2. Only choose snacks that are labeled in green letters. The rest of the snacks are not meant for you.

3. Be silent in the theaters and silence all devices. Make sure not to make a peep. They don't like noise...

4.  Keep your eyes on the screen and the screen only. If you see something out of the corner of your eye, no you didn't.

5. If the screen suddenly freezes, don't worry! Maintenance is working on it. Until then, keep your eyes ON THE SCREEN.

6. The characters on screen may pause and all turn their heads to face you. This is the only time you may look away. Do not close your eyes but instead look to the ground. You need to be able to run in case of emergency!

7. Do not litter. The gray figure that roams around is our janitor and trust me he'll know when you litter. He's harmless until you litter and we would prefer not to have to find every piece of you when the movie is finished.

8. If the lights suddenly turn on, do not look around or get up. They are trying to trick you. Keep your eyes on the screen.

9. Try to be as still as you can.

10. If the movie suddenly turns a scene of a plain wheat field then get. Out. Of. The. Theater. Run out of the building. Do not turn back.

11. Only very few people in this theater are human and even less like to be talked to. You must absolutely not run the risk of speaking or even acknowledging other entities.

12. Make sure you have your ticket on you at all times. Otherwise you will be prevented from leaving.

13. If you hear heavy groaning or breathing behind you do not look back. Pay attention to the movie.

14. Do not go into any other theater then your supposed to do. Sometimes they change the numbers. Just in case, ask the employee with the name tag "10651" which theater you are supposed to be in. They will know.

15. This movie prides itself on being the most entertaining and most accommodating of anywhere else in the area. Therefore we have a break set for halfway in between any movie. At this time you may leave the theater. The break is 15 minutes. Be back before the 15 minutes or you will not be able to return.

16. When the movie ends say out loud but not too loud, "thank you for watching. It's been a pleasure." Otherwise you will be the ones who watch. Believe me you do not want this.

17. When you exit your theater if your ticket has changed in anyway, then stay in the theater for three minutes. Time yourself any more or any less and there is no way of getting back.

18. Acknowledge the red figures on the way out. These entities are our stuff and love to know how their service has been to you.

19. When you have left do not look back.

I read these rules with a bit of hesitation. But I figure I have to follow them anyways. What a strange prank especially from the theater. I know it's around Halloween but jeez, I'm not even watching a horror movie. I scoff but follow them anyways. It must be someone pranking me right? I get in line one, ready to order a bowl of popcorn but then I realize... the popcorn is listed as orange. What a joke? I decide to get it anyways. Whoever made these stupid rules isn't fooling anyone. I get up to the counter and order my popcorn and large coke but when I do the employee who's smile is so large I swear her lips could rip, sort of tilts her head. Her smile falters ever so slightly. "Are you sure you don't want anything from the green menu?" She ask in this sickly sweet fake voice. There's almost a hint of panic.

I sigh. Are they really taking it that far? Fine. Whatever. "You know what? I'll have the large coke and nachos." I say already irritated I can't have my popcorn but at this point I'm just ready to watch my movie. She sighs in what sounds like relief and shouts "one large coke and nachos!" In this super shrill and again fake voice.

I roll my eyes and head over to my theater. My ticket reads theater b-8. Whatever. I head that direction but an employee stops me.

"Hey bud, can I check that ticket for ya?" Ask another overly anxious employee. He doesn't even have a name his tag just reads "10651". I hand him my ticket and think "this is it. This is where I go crazy" but all he does is smile and say "thanks partner! Enjoy the movie." And I head on my way. These employees are strange. So incredibly strange.

Finally I get in my theater and I sigh as I sit in my seat. The perfect place. Not too far forward, not too far back. I recline and I sit as my eyes are trained on the screen. But out of the corner of my eye I see what appears to be just a shadow passing over. I ignore it. This theater and their pranks. I mean seriously, are they a joke? I roll my eyes. But the further into this movie I get. The more I realize I don't think thy were lying about this theater. Or their rules...

Yours truly ~[REDACTED]