Til There Was You - Dr. Harvey x Farmer, Leah x Shane Stardew Valley Fic

chapter 12 - leah

I have always been a bit of an insomniac. Back when I lived with Kel, there was hardly a time where I was able to sleep through an entire night. Being with her made me feel like I was constantly on edge, even if I knew that she was in the bed right next to me. I felt like my nervous system was never able to relax. Although my sleep schedule had improved since moving to the valley and living alone, old habits die hard. I lay awake in my cottage at 2 in the morning, unable to go back to sleep. I knew that tossing and turning wouldn't help anything, so I decided to go with my trusted remedy - a peaceful walk through the forest.

I bundled up, the winter chill seeping into my bones as I stepped outside. The air was crisp, devoid of any movement or sound besides the distant hoot of an owl. Being so close to nature still felt like a dream come true for me. I started walking, each step leaving imprints in the freshly fallen snow. I decided to head towards the river, where I could sit on the dock for a moment and watch the flowing stream. The forest embraced me, offering a sanctuary for me to clear my mind. In that moment, it felt as though it was just me and the trees, an escape from the outside world. As I approached the river, a holly bush suddenly caught my attention, and I bent over to pick some of the bright red berries.

"Leah?" a voice called out, causing me to jump.

Of course, there was Shane. Wherever I went, it seemed that he was never far behind.

"Shane!" I exclaimed, my heart still racing from the sudden startle. "Fuck! Why are you always scaring me like that? Are you secretly stalking me or something?"

"Hey, this time I was here first!" he responded, smirking. "Up late, huh?"

I shrugged, a hint of a smile tugging at my lips. I couldn't deny that I was happy to see him. "Couldn't sleep, so I figured I'd take a walk to clear my head."

"Same here," he replied, patting the spot next to him on the dock. "Come here, have a cold one." I noticed the pack of beer on the dock behind him.

I walked over and sat down beside him, accepting the cold can he offered. I popped it open and took a sip, only to be reminded of how much I hated beer. Shane laughed at me as a disgusted look crossed my face.

"I thought you liked beer!" he exclaimed, amusement shining in his eyes.

I gave him a sheepish look, playfully rolling my eyes. "Well, I guess not as much as I hoped I would."

"Don't tell me you pretended to like it that night just for my sake?" he asked.

"Maybe..." I responded.

"Wow, Leah...that surprises me. But I guess it shouldn't. You've always been a woman after my own heart, haven't you..." he trailed off, his tone tinged with a mix of humor and something more.

I looked at him, taken aback by his words. "Shane..." I began, my voice gentle.

"I'm sorry, I know. I'm not supposed to be talking about that night, am I?" he interrupted, a touch of regret coloring his words.

We fell into a momentary silence, both lost in our own thoughts and the memories that had resurfaced.

"Buh...life...." he mumbled, suddenly, and I couldn't help but chuckle at his random interjection.

"How am I supposed to act normal around you, Shane?" I admitted, my voice laced with a mix of confusion and longing.

He gazed at me, his dark eyes meeting mine, and in that moment, a flood of memories rushed through my mind. The intensity of his kisses, the way he touched me, the way he made me feel beautiful and desired. There was a connection between us, and it was becoming harder to deny.

"What does that mean, Leah?" he responded.

I stared back at him, the words caught in my throat as I took another sip of beer. But before I could respond, he spoke again.

"Leah...do you ever feel like...no matter what you do, you're gonna fail? Like you're stuck in some miserable abyss and you're so deep, you can't even see the light of day?"

I had never heard him speak like this before. His words struck a chord within me, their raw honesty sending shivers down my spine.

"Well...maybe not the whole abyss part, but the feeling of failure? Absolutely. I know that all too well," I replied, my voice tinged with empathy.

He looked at me, disbelief etched across his features. "How can someone as perfect as you say that? Leah, you have everything going for you."

"Perfect?" I whispered, my voice barely audible. I quickly shook myself back to reality. "No, Shane. I'm glad that you think so highly of me, but I don't have it all together. I've been wanting to be a full-time artist my whole life, but I'm 26 years old and it still hasn't happened yet. There's a lot of self doubt that comes with pursuing something like that."

He scooted closer to me, and I could feel my heart pounding in my chest.

"Leah, I know 100% that you could do anything that you set your mind to. Me, on the other hand?" He gestured to the case of beer. "I just feel like no matter how hard I try...I'm not strong enough to climb out of that hole."

I saw tears beginning to form in his eyes. I wanted to wrap him up in my arms and make all of the pain he held hidden inside of him disappear.

"Shane..." I whispered, reaching out to take his hand. His rough palm pressed against mine, and he looked up at me, his expression a mix of surprise and vulnerability. "What can I do for you? Please tell me. I hate seeing you like this," I pleaded.

He paused for a moment, gathering his thoughts. "There's one thing you can do for me, Leah," he began.

I nodded, my heart racing. "Anything."

"Don't give me that look..." he said softly. He glanced down at our hands intertwined, his grip tightening slightly.

"What look?" I asked, searching his eyes for answers.

He shook his head, dismissing his own words. "Nothing, never mind...That's not what I was going to say," His gaze met mine once again, intense and unwavering. "This drinking...don't make it a habit, Leah. You got a future ahead of you still. That makes one of us."

My heart shattered at his words, feeling the weight of his pain and the depth of his struggles. I watched in silence as he stood up, brushing off imaginary dust from his clothes and discarding his empty beer can into the case with the others. He rubbed his eyes with the sleeves of his jacket and stretched, a mixture of weariness and resolve etched on his face.

"Welp, my liver's beggin' me to stop. Better call it a night," he said casually, as if trying to mask the emotions brewing beneath the surface.

I couldn't bear to see him leave like this, not when his vulnerability had been laid out in front of me for the first time. "Shane, wait..." I called out, reaching out to grab his hand once again. He dropped it, turning around to face me, a sadness lingering in his expression.

"You make it so damn hard not to be selfish," he confessed, his voice filled with a mixture of longing and regret. And then, with tenderness, he cupped my face in his hands, placing a gentle kiss on my forehead.

"See you around, Leah," he whispered, his voice filled with bittersweet finality. With that, he turned away and walked off towards the ranch, leaving me standing there, the cold air biting at my skin and the imprint of his kiss still on my forehead.