Still don't know

Part 10

We spoke about so much over the phone. He told me about his trip, family, lady like chores, everything. The call lasted a long while. He also made sure to remind me to buy food stuff and that's why I ended up in the super market buying food and cutlery with my mom.
"Hurry up Amie" she calls out.
I inhale and feel a gush of what is definetly not fresh air fill my lungs. I speed up my steps to match hers almost tripping over my foot. She really walks too fast.
So far we've bought everything except for more cereal and a frying pan. We manage to get them as well after ten more minutes of searching.
We board a taxi and head home. I can't believe I return to school tomorrow. It's been a week of adventure and I cant wait to see how school changes with this return.
      Mum packs everything for me. I also manage to sneak in a few stuff 8 know will come in handy that mum does not agree with. Such items include extra pants and pyjamas. She believes I've taken enough already but I do not agree and this the reason for sneaking them in. Sorry mom.
      I walk majestically and stealthily trying to hide the items in my hand. Please don't catch me. I silently pray hoping she won't spot me. I manage to sneak in that one top that she so hates. But it's so comfortable. She wouldn't know that, all she sees is that it's worn out. But I know that I will need it when I do. I help her lack the rest of my stuff and I can't wait to be in the hostel tomorrow.
     I will probably end up being alone seeing as most of my roommates aren't returning until three days from today. Either way I would prefer to stay in the hostel. I don't know how but I managed to convince my mom to let me stay there instead of at my aunts house. I love her but it's not comfortable over there. It's not comfortable anywhere that there is people. I don't like being lonely but I also don't like discomfort which Is ironic considering the hullabaloo going on in my head. You do not wanna know. Even my head is a mystery to me.
     I zip up my bag and pile it next to the other stuff that are to leave the house tomorrow. I'm so excited that I won't be leaving alone. I love home but I don't know why I'm happy to leave.
    Within these few days of holiday, Derrick became famous at home. My sisters know him and so do my friends. I can't believe I spoke so much about him. Even if I didn't, I think the frequent phone calls sold me out. I don't feel comfortable with it though seeing as he has someone he's... U know.... With.
    I think my friends at school caught on too. I don't know why I keep calling uni. school.
Grow up Amie.
    I remember the day we were going out to the taps to refresh and them purchase food.
.........

      I'm walking, I'm happy, I don't know why exactly but I feel like I want to fly. I really don't know why but there is this feeling inside of me that makes me feel like there are no problems in the world. Like eternal joy is real. The feeling fills me with warmth and butterflies as I for some reason think of only one person.
     "Amie are you okay" Miranda asks
     "Please Amie be careful. You know we won't be able to win this battle if you end up snatching." Chelsea says.
    I turn to look at them with a goofy smile on my face. I was sort of lost, confused about what they meant until it clicked. They thought I was happy because of the attention Derrick was giving me. The sad part is that he is involved with someone else and so they thought to warn me.
    I suddenly realize where my heart was headed and calm myself down. They are right, I can't let myself wander especially not when this isn't what brought me here. I slowly lose the smile on my face. I tried to hide that they guessed right even if I didn't realise it sooner. I feel so foolish and embarrassed.......
.........

      Even after that feeling of realization and awereness, I can't seem to stop myself. I hope I don't end up where I can't help myself.