Lost Words [discontinued]

{ Chapter 22-Michelle Keller }

(SONG: Dreaming- Bruno Coulais)

The room was cold; very unpleasantly cold, but the people around me provided an unintentional warmth. The doctors and nurses however, were as cold as cold could get; ice cold. Now, the radiation was coming from the five boys I'd grown to love.

Harry called them down, told them what had happened. Though they were all devastated, they showed just as quick as lightning.

I didn't know how long we were all there waiting, so I began to calculate the time. (We left the park at nearly seven. The park was only ten minutes away from Cody's, and mine was only ten minutes away from hers. Harry's drive back to mine was about two minutes. The drive to the hospital was around twenty minutes, so by that, Including traffic,) I guessed we got there at 7:50.

Harry was now sitting in the seat next to me. We didn't touch, or cuddle, or hug. We sat apart from each other, hands to ourselves.

I wasn't in the mood for the ushy-gushy boyfriend-girlfriend stuff, and I think he realized that when he tried to hold my hand, but I hesitantly pulled away. I just wanted to be alone with my thoughts, which were only consuming me.

If only I was home. I knew she wasn't well, yet, I left anyway. I would forever hate myself for this.

"I know you think this is your fault", spoke the hushed voice beside me. I didn't look at them, knowing quite well who it was. "But it's not. Addy, you didn't do anything wrong."

"But I did, Harry", I mumbled, almost inaudible.

"The family of..." said a young nurse who appeared before us. She looked down at her clipboard. "Michelle Keller?"

I immediately stood, along with Harry, Louis, Zayn, Niall, and Liam, who shot right up at the sound of her name.

It was a younger-older nurse that displayed in front of us, not so much older than me. Her hair was short and scarlet colour based with a hint of blonde, barely passed her shoulders. Her expression was plain, not saying much about what she wanted of us.

"Yes?" Liam mumbled as he fiddled nervously with his thumbs.

"What- uh... What did the doctor say?" asked the boy of Doncaster.

I felt warm fingertips slip into my hand, making me relax slightly. Harry was always like this. Sending blind gestures for different reasons, for my needing of reassurance. I gave his hand a soft squeeze, as I knew that he was just as nervous as I was.

The girl coughed, looking down at her clipboard again. After a few moments, her gaze trailed back up, looking at me with sad blue eyes. A strong sigh fled her lips as she then pursed them.

"Go on", Zayn encouraged.

She looked over to him, sheer nervousness dotting her face. I began to scan her, realizing that she was probably not as old as I thought she was. She had a student nurse name tag, so I could infer that she was still in, or just getting out of school. I read the name on her tag.

"Please, Amanda", I pleaded, my voice barely audible. She turned to me, water droplets sprouting in her eyes. I couldn't help but... nothing, as my own tears slipped from my being and ran down my cheek. "Please say she is alright."

Her lower lip was taken harshly between her teeth, her tears threatening to fall. She blinked them back and sucked in a sharp breath, releasing it in a soft, quick sigh.

"I wasn't supposed to be the one to tell you", she murmured, her lip quivering.

Harry's grip on my hand slightly tightened, reminding me that he was there. My jaw clenched. I didn't want to hear it. I didn't want to hear whatever she had to say.