You Belong With Me

Chapter 12

Location: Home, unfortunately
Time: 3/2/23
Keep dreamin

Life after the situation has been a wild ride, and I'm just holding on for dear life. Anger courses through my veins, like a relentless wildfire, and I can feel myself slipping into madness. The world seems so unfair, and I'm caught in its merciless grip.

My mom thinks dragging me to church will fix everything, but it only makes me angrier. I sit in those pews, my mind wandering far away from the sermon, and I can't help but wonder why the universe singled me out for suffering.

"Why me!?" I shout in my head, hoping the universe will answer. But all I hear is the echo of my own frustration. The prayers and hymns feel empty, and all I long for is to hear Jesse's voice again. His absence haunts me, a void in my heart that can never be filled.

I miss Jesse with an ache that cuts deep. The world feels so cruel, tearing us apart without reason or warning.

I find myself in a delicate situation. I know my friends are curious about what happened to me, but I'm still in the closet, keeping my secret love for a slightly older woman hidden. I know that if I ever regain my social life, there will be a lot to explain.

My almost ex girlfriend asks me what's the problem and I become skilled in diverting their attention. I spin intricate stories, painting a picture of a complex journey, but I carefully omit the most significant part—the person who has stolen my heart, It's a secret I hold tightly, fearing judgment and the potential consequences it may bring.

But as time goes on, I feel the weight of living in secrecy. I wanna be open and honest with my friends, to let them into my world, but the fear of rejection holds me back. Will they understand? Will they accept me for who I truly am? These questions swirl in my mind, adding another layer of complexity to my already tumultuous life.

If I ever get the chance to reclaim my social life, I know that honesty will be crucial. Explaining the journey I've been on, the challenges I've faced, and the person who has captured my heart will require vulnerability and bravery. It will mean stepping out of the shadows and embracing my true self, no matter the outcome.

In my desperation, I find myself spiraling into madness. Dark thoughts creep into my mind, tempting me with their dangerous allure. It's scary, but the pain I'm feeling is unbearable, and the idea of escaping it, even for a moment, becomes harder to resist.

As I stare up at the night sky, tears mixing with rain on my cheeks, I plead to the universe, my voice trembling with sorrow.

But the universe remains silent, as if it doesn't care about my pain. And in that silence, a seed of madness takes root within me, growing stronger with each passing day. It whispers to me, suggesting that embracing the darkness may be the only way to find peace, to be with Jesse once more.

But amidst the chaos, I discover a secret source of comfort. Even though momma took away my phone, I find a way to secretly message Jesse, It's risky, but the thrill of connecting with her, even in the shadows, brings a glimmer of hope.

When the world is quiet and the night embraces me, I find solace in my dreams. That's where Jesse visits me, as real as can be. I can hear her voice, feel her touch, and for those precious moments, everything feels right again.

In those dreams, time doesn't matter. It's just Jesse and me, hand in hand, strolling through sunlit meadows, our laughter floating on the breeze. Those dreams become my escape, my sanctuary from the harsh reality that weighs me down.

But when morning comes, and I open my eyes to an empty bed, a hollow ache settles in my chest. I crave more of those dream moments, Pray for Jesse's presence. That's when I turn to my secret messages, carefully crafted and hidden from prying eyes. I pour my heart out to her, sharing my deepest fears, my hopes, and the immense longing that consumes me. Even if she can't reply, the act of reaching out brings a semblance of connection, a fragile thread holding me together.

I know I have to be careful, tiptoeing on the edge of discovery, for the pain of losing this lifeline would be unbearable. But in those stolen moments, as I trace my fingers over the screen, it feels like Jesse is right there with me. It's a fleeting escape, a whispered promise that she's still there, somewhere, beyond the reach of my broken reality.

These dreams and secret messages, they become my sanctuary, a sanctuary that keeps me grounded amidst the storm. As I navigate the treacherous path of anger and desperation, I hold onto the slivers of hope, nurturing the belief that one day, somehow, we will find our way back to each other.

But for now, I'll continue to embrace the dreams and send my hidden messages, cherishing each moment of connection with Jesse, as I search for answers and cling to the flickering light of hope in the darkness.

............

As I went about my day, my heart skipped a beat when I spotted Jesse outside. I couldn't believe my luck! We locked eyes, and it felt like time stood still. Without hesitation, we caught up with each other, eager to share our stories and laughter, relishing in the moments we had missed together.

"Jesse? It's so good to see you!" I exclaimed, a bright smile spreading across my face.

Jesse smiled back, her strong presence still slightly intimidating but intriguing. "Cleo, how've you been? I've been keeping an eye out for you."

We began exchanging updates on our lives, talking about the challenges we had faced and the lessons we had learned. It was a sweet reunion, filled with warmth and affection. I felt a surge of happiness being in Jesse's presence once again, knowing that she cared about me.

But as our conversation deepened, a sense of tension started to fill the air. Our voices grew slightly louder, our passionate opinions colliding. We were always fiery together, and it seemed like that intensity had never faded.

In the midst of the spirited discussion, I couldn't help myself. I leaned in and hugged Jesse, surprising her with my boldness. Her chuckle filled the air, and I could almost see the thought forming in her mind.

We caught up further, sharing stories and teasing each other. Jesse's strong presence, as solid as muscle, fascinated me. I admired her strength and found myself drawn to it. I forgot how quickly I fall for her.

Time flew by, and it pained me to think about saying goodbye. But I knew I had to be cautious, as my mother would surely become suspicious if I lingered too long. Reluctantly, we said our farewells, promising to catch up again soon.

As Jesse walked away, I couldn't help but wonder what the future held for us. Would our connection grow deeper? Would we explore this newfound dynamic? Only time would tell. But for now, I held onto the memory of her strong embrace and her captivating presence, hoping that our paths would cross again, and that the chemistry between us would continue to develo.