GOLDEN RULE

The New Life That Came with the Truth

     For days, even months, I struggled to live with the truth my family had told me. Eating disorders, sleep disturbances... absurd illnesses had consumed me from within. I was trying to stay, both in life and with them, trying to carry on with my life. But my beautiful life, or rather what I thought was beautiful, crumbled with a few sentences. The revelation that everything I believed to be true for so many years was a lie filled me with a loneliness that sucked the life out of me. When I looked around, everything I had left behind shrunk and disappeared in my eyes, and suddenly, my world went dark. The effort I had put into making a decision had caused physical pain in my body. Whom should I ask? What should I do? How could I escape this situation and free myself? I didn't know. I cried, poured my emotions into my diary, froze, remained motionless, cried again. Because there was nothing... nothing I could do, nothing I was capable of. I was helpless. I couldn't even bring myself to explain it further. I couldn't accept it myself, how could I make my soul accept it? I thought about it from many angles, empathized with everyone. I thought, "It could have been worse." But it didn't help. I had a good family. A fake family... I had been living in a family where everything, all the memories, all the experiences, turned out to be lies. Why would they bring everything to light after so many years and destroy my life...

    For months, even leaving my room, let alone my bed, seemed impossible. Everyone in the house became strangers, and I couldn't even bring myself to eat with them anymore. It felt like a betrayal, but were they the ones betraying me or was it my ingratitude? They were the ones who took care of me, raised me. And now, no one could even look at each other. I felt like a stranger among strangers. I got up and looked around, as if trying to live in a place that didn't belong to me. The concrete walls wept for our state. We used to be such a happy and joyful family... Months ago, a few strangers came into my life claiming, "We are your real family." Would my life be better with them? Would the pain of this loneliness subside if I were with them? Staying didn't work, would leaving work? They looked like friendly people, seemed happy to see me... There was a little girl with them, around 4-5 years old. She looked like my sister. I never had a sister, and I always cried because of it, but it turned out I had one... Her name was Ela, so sweet. My heart warmed when I saw her. My new mother... Or should I really call her my real mother? I wasn't sure. My mother's name was Sude, and my father's name was Tuğrul. Why did they come after all these years? Where were they all this time? Did they ever think about me before? Did they have no means to take care of me? Or... Could they be my real family? For months, I've been locked in my thoughts with countless questions. I wanted to ask them one by one, but every time, I was afraid. Once, I gathered my courage and asked a single question, "Why now?" No one said anything, no one could answer... And I couldn't ask again. They had been pressuring me to come with them for months, trying to win me over with laughter and fun, it seemed they were trying to make me forgive them after all this time. My heart was hurting so much, but that little girl managed to make herself loved. She called me "sister," and it warmed my heart. I wiped away my tears and stood up again. I packed my suitcase with all my belongings. It felt like I was killing myself with my own hands. I knew that if I left through that door, I could never come back. Nobody's life was a toy, they couldn't be here and there. Besides, Istanbul was quite far from here. The colorful walls of my room bid me farewell. My family said, "You can visit whenever you want," and they bid me farewell with a smile, although their hearts were heavy. Only visits... no going back... I had asked Tuğrul father to pick me up. They took me away from my old, wealthy, and happy life, welcoming me with smiles as a family. As I got into the car, I desperately wished for my mother to say, "This was a joke," but she only shed a few tears... The smile that I thought would always stay with me had left. My soul declared war on smiling. I went, knowing that I could never come back.

"After this, every step I take means saying goodbye to my old life. Goodbye..."