TIME TEACHES TO LAUGH

ALONE IN THE ROOM

I became Covid positive and that was really shocking to me. It was during the beginning of the pandemic, and everyone was scared of each other. I got locked up in a room. I was advised not to come out. I had nothing to do. All I did was wait for the food and medicine. They placed it in front of my room and left. I took it after a few minutes and kept the plates back after eating. I had no appetite but was just eating for the sake of eating. I had a serious version of the fever. I lost my taste and odor. Not to mention, my vision even became blurred. The mild fever came and went once in a while. Sneezing and coughing constantly made me deadly tired.

The first day went on without many issues. Somehow, I adjusted to the loneliness by watching K-dramas and all. I could not sleep at night. My body was aching too much, and I could not fall asleep. Parents called and said, pray hard and sleep. Even a few friends called and said some jokes, trying to make me happy. But nothing worked. I even got scared that I would die sooner. I felt it. I could see death in front. I was that tired. I could not do anything. My hands could not even hold a glass of water properly without shivering. I was not ready to die at this early age and I wanted to live. I told myself, not to give up. But I had no control over destiny. I remembered my father's talk that you can live longer by doing virtuous deeds. I offered some money to charity organizations and all. I called my long-distance relatives and even enquired about their well-being. I was foolishly doing this and that, for the sake of living. I had no idea what to do and I became too stupid, trapped by the fear of death. I struggled for another day. And I survived.

My health condition was becoming worse, and I started feeling depressed. I had no one to talk to. I wanted to break the door and run to the hall. I felt like I was starving, though I was full. I felt like I was burning up, though I was not. I felt like I was losing myself. It is hard to explain how I really felt. I had a feeling that everyone alienated me because of the disease. Actually, that was the right thing. But still, I felt sad like a kid.

As days passed, I started becoming demotivated and depressed. I wanted to talk about this with someone, but I was lazy to dial up someone. I did not even pick up any calls that came to my phone. I saw my phone ringing many times, but I pretended not to see it. I had no reason to do that. Somehow, I ended up doing that. Sitting in the room alone for a few days made me a different person. I wanted to go out. Usually, I am not a person who travels a lot. But this time, I felt like I should travel around. I even surfed the internet for places to go. I was becoming a bit strange. Maybe it was all a part of my disease.

'I can't live any longer' situation reached during the final days. I had no idea what to do. My head was filled with negative vibes. I went through all the news, and I found out that very few with this disease survive. Even though some survive, they will have many issues in the future. Their future will not be easy. That broke my heart. I started reading all the death news and I considered myself a victim of this disease. During that time, I was about to give up hope in my life.

On the second last day, I woke up with a dream of myself attending a chat show. I had no idea why I saw such a stupid dream unexpectedly. That actually changed my mindset. I did a few interviews with myself. Well, that was one of my funniest hobbies during my school days. I would prepare questions and ask myself. Then another version of me would answer it. I saw myself as someone who will become popular in the near future. I laughed thinking about it and that actually boosted my spirit. Still, I was not recovered fully. I saw a book on the table and just opened it. Thankfully, there was a pen too. I simply read all the scribbling inside and started writing something fresh. I made my two days very productive and that left no space for negative thoughts. And the final day, when they asked me to take a test, I was confident that I became physically and mentally all right. The result turned out to be negative. That was the first time I saw my mom laughing wholeheartedly when I got a negative result. LOL! Later, I just went through that notebook and named it 'My quarantine diary.' It turned out to be a beautiful note from my subconscious mind. I felt happy about reading it again.

Diversion of concentration actually makes wonders!