Glimmer of Hope

Chapter 1

I WOKE UP because of a loud thud coming from somewhere. I tried to take a glance but the light's making my eyes hurt so I just kept them closed.

"If she won't wake up, what will happen to us, Manuel!?"

I heard a loud slam. It was my mom and she's throwing things somewhere in the room. I flinched, scared that it might be thrown at me. She's yelling inaudible nonsense like a mad woman. She's really really mad.

"You just have to be patient, Lucille. Gigising din iyang anak mo." Papa replied.

"You have to talk to Ricardo, Manuel! He might cancel the wedding if Deborah won't wake up now! We can't lose everything we worked hard for in their hands!"

"Did she really attempted to kill herself?" mom asked like she cannot believe it herself.

Natahimik silang dalawa ng mga ilang minuto na tila ba nagiisip.

"As long as she's in our hands, she'll never get away from us. Mark my words." Papa swore before leaving the room like he was pertaining his words to me.

I felt a hand brushing my hair. It was a rough touch from my mother na tila nababanat na rin pati ang anit ko sa buhok. I controlled myself to not react dahil baka malaman niyang narinig ko ang pinaguusapan nila ng papa.

"Wake up already, my little Debby." She whispered in a hissing voice as if she knew that I could hear her.

"As long as she's alive, susundin mo lahat ng gusto namin ng papa mo."

I don't know what she's talking about but I never paid attention to it. Naging payapa na lamang ang paligid nang tuluyan siyang lumabas ng silid. Idinilat ko ang mga mata ko at tumitig sa kawalan. Talaga ngang hawak nila ang buhay ko na para bang pati ang uri ng kamatayan ko sila pa ang magdidikta.

I diverted my eyes on my wrist. May bandage na doon at may nakapasak na swero sa kamay ko. I despise my life so bad! Mariin kong ipinikit ang mga mata ko at inaalala ang nangyari.

The scattered stars in the nightsky rose in beauty but in my eyes, it looks gloomy... and sad. It brought me pain but it comforts me at the same time.

Does everyone look at the stars the same way as I did? Or was it just me?

Or maybe I was just so drowned in misery that I forgot the hope I could find in it. Maybe other people were too happy stargazing and counting the stars or probably wishing upon them.

Maybe they were mesmerized with its elegance that it brought them joy and contentment especially at night where they can truly spend time for themselves- alone.

I stared at the horizon for too long, hoping to find peace in it but I only see darkness. Nakaramdam ako ng bigat sa aking tiyan habang pinagmamasadan ang kalangitan. Nasa parke ako sa kalagitnaan ng gabi dahil gusto kong mapagisa. Nais ko ng katahimikan.

The sky... It looks really peaceful and quiet. Ganoon lang din ang gusto kong maramdaman. Katulad ng kalangitan. Payapa.

It's been in my head for such a long time. Thinking about the underlying surface of peace. It would make us happy, right? It would put us in a great state of solace without feeling guilty of living. I've been wondering a lot about that.

What makes living less tiring?

It's been hard dealing with my frustrations alone. Agony always haunted me wherever I go na tila ba kakambal na ng pangalan ko. Nakadikit sa pagkatao ko na hindi na mabubura.

There are many flooding questions in my mind that I can't give or find an answer to. Maraming pagkakataon na gusto kong pumikit para ipahinga ang utak ko but my mind won't let me. Thoughts became a burden to me.