And Then We Fell Apart (18+)

chapter 7

Christmas comes and goes like it never even happens at all. It's New Year's Eve before I know it, meaning 2004 will be left behind in just a matter of hours. I've never been one to miss the previous year as it comes to an end, but this one is different.

This year was everything, and then some. I don't ever want to forget it.

Mari convinces my mom to go out with her tonight in the city about an hour away. To ensure the most fun for them, Stella persuades them to stay in a hotel that night so that they don't have to worry about coming home. Sam then uses his persuasiveness to convince our moms to let me stay over again, which is getting much easier these days.

I think back to what Mom said about valuing our friendship— or whatever it was she said— and I know that's why they don't mind us having sleepovers. But at the same time, maybe it's just that obvious to them that nothing would ever happen between us, and maybe I should open my eyes so it becomes that much more obvious to me.

The last few weeks after my sudden, unexpected epiphany have been hard. Internally, that is.

There's no strain on my relationship with Sam at all. In fact, everything is very normal with the exception of me watching him intently every now and again. I pay more attention to his features than I ever have before, getting lost in those dark, vast eyes for what can sometimes feel like way too long. He always smiles and looks away when he notices, which makes my skin go hot.

But every time we're apart, all I can think of is how badly I want to see him. How spending time with him is the only thing that matters to me. How every single second of his attention is the most addictive drug.

That's until I realize it's all one-sided. I mean, he said it himself. He didn't even like anyone enough to ask them to the formal a few weeks back, and I think I qualify as "anyone."

Sam calls for me from the living room while I'm in the kitchen, sliding my boots and jacket off after bracing the outside cold. Even though there's not as much snow here, the breeze from the ocean creates some killer wind. I know for sure that my nose is pink, but it's further solidified when I look at myself in the mirror that hangs by the phone receiver.

I hurriedly pull my cotton candy lip gloss from my pocket that I got for Christmas and swipe it over my lips. My hair is up today, which is uncommon now. Except I know that Sam and I are just going to hang around for most of the day so there's no sense in trying that hard. I did save my new velour sweatsuit for today. It's black, and it reminds me of something Stella might wear.

"Chandler?" Sam calls again.

"Sorry, I'm coming," I yell back, running my index finger under my eye to catch any black flakes from my mascara. I'm quickly heading to the living room where I hear his voice, and I see him sitting in the computer chair at the desk in the corner of the living room. "Sorry," I say again.

He's focused on the computer in front of him, eyebrows furrowed as he clicks around on the corded mouse. I stand beside him, squinting to see that he's looking through some of his newly uploaded pictures.

"Oh, sorry," he mutters, looking up at me.

I watch him stand to his feet, noticing in the last few weeks that he's growing at least an inch everyday. I remember when we were about the same height, or at least eye level. Now, he's got at least five inches on me.

"You sit there," he points to the computer chair.

I smile and comply, watching as he kneels down in front of the computer with his chin resting on top of his hand.

"I wanted to show you something." His focus is hard on the screen. I bring my knees up to my chest, hugging them close to my body while carefully watching him. "Okay. I need your advice," he turns to me.