And Then We Fell Apart (18+)

chapter 16

My mom never finds out about the party. Stella keeps her promise and helps me clean up the following morning to my surprise, but it's not until almost eleven when she peels her hungover body off my living room couch.

Mari drives her off to school on the Sunday before Labor Day about two hours away from here. Sam and I enjoy the peace and quiet without Stella for the first time by heading to the beach and playing games in the water. Just the two of us. We end the day by going to our spot and talking about what we think junior year of high school will be like, then go upstairs and watch a movie until we fall asleep.

Everything is okay again.

But summer ends just when we go back to normal, which makes me wish I never tried to change us to begin with. Of course I still have feelings for Sam, but I'd rather stay this way with him than have nothing at all.

I know it'll be hard, but I think I'll get used to it. Maybe I'll find someone else to fill that void, as long as I can keep Sam as my best friend.

We're not in as many of the same classes this year. Rather than seven of eight like last time, we're in five of the eight. It's not bad, but I wish we could see each other as much as possible. All feelings aside, I hate when we're apart.

Our electives are different again— he's in photography while I try my hand at a painting class. It's a little more intense than I'm used to, but I'm up for the challenge. Besides, I decide this year that I need to find a hobby other than just spending time with Sam, Noah, and Bennett. I think it will help resolve some of my intense feelings if I have something of my own to focus on.

While he's in gym class, I'm in study hall. And while I'm in gym class, he's in study hall. Then for last period, I take AP Math while he takes regular math. He's excited for me when he finds out the school accepted my application for the harder class.

With Stella and her friends not around anymore, I don't feel such pressure to be someone I'm not. But still, I find myself in Holly's little sister's hand me downs more often than my old clothes. They make me feel like every other high school girl and less like a middle schooler. I don't think there's anything wrong with that.

My new clothes warrant looks from boys at school that I've never gotten before, or at least I never noticed. Sam is quick to call them out, but I shrug them off.

I'm not interested in being with anyone right now, anyways.

It's a Friday afternoon at the end of September when we're at my locker. He's waiting for me to drive me home, which he's been doing everyday this week since he got his drivers license.

"When are you going to take your driving test?" he asks, leaning against the locker beside mine.

Out of the corner of my eye, I notice how much taller Sam is now. He's not the fifteen year old I met last summer. But I don't dare observe him like I used to. I know it's a dangerous game that's better off not being played. I barely do as much as steal a glance at him, because I know I'll spiral just like before.

Shrugging, I slide my math textbook on one of the shelves. "I dunno. Maybe a couple of weeks."

"Why don't you go do it now? Driving is so much fun."

"Why would I if I just have you to drive me around?" I tease, shoving my history binder into my backpack.

He rolls his eyes. I'm about to close my locker but he stops it with his hand, looking up at the small slits at the very top of the metal door. I look up too, realizing that what's caught his eye is a folded up piece of paper that neither of us noticed at first.