And Then We Fell Apart (18+)

chapter 21

Sam asks Blake Isaac to the prom a few weeks later.

I don't see it happen, but I hear about it from Noah. He's not excited when he tells me, and I don't think it's because he doesn't care for Blake, either. I think we both know the reason.

Although I loved it before, I start to hate sitting in the library at lunch with my friends. It's not them, it's the addition of Blake, who now takes my place beside Sam. I submissively sit on another side of the table by myself while Bennett and Noah take the other.

The progress I've made has gone away before it can even be labeled as such. My appetite is close to nonexistent before my very eyes, every single bit of food looking absolutely revolting before it even touches my lips. But I know I can't live on nothing at all, so I sip on protein shakes throughout the day because it's all I can manage to stomach.

Sam doesn't offer me any food anymore. Not since Blake comes around.

He's never told me he loved me before, but that was always the closest he's gotten. So in my head, he doesn't love me anymore. Maybe he never did.

How embarrassing to know that I've spent our entire time knowing each other by loving him so deeply, and he doesn't even feel a small fraction of what I do?

"So, are you guys excited for the prom?" Blake asks with a smile on her pretty, rose colored lips.

I wonder if Sam has kissed her yet.

Bennett looks unsettled. It's rare to see him this way, but it's safe to say he's not all that thrilled about her being around either. It took all of us by surprise.

"Yeah, I guess. I don't know, it'll be fine, I'm sure," he rambles. I can tell he's uncomfortable.

"Well, are you guys asking anyone?" she shakes her head, a wavy lock of her red hair falling over her shoulder.

"I'll probably ask Maria," Noah shrugs.

Yeah, that's a thing again. We all tell him it's not a good idea, but he says they're just hooking up. They're not dating. Still, we make sure he knows we think it's stupid.

Noah then tells Sam he's stupid for asking Blake to the prom. Then we don't talk about it again after that.

"I'll find someone to ask, I'm sure," he replies.

And then she looks at me. Big, blue gray eyes and pretty, long eyelashes coated with brown mascara. I get why Sam likes her, I always knew he did. And he told me I was crazy for thinking that. I feel embarrassed for believing him.

"What about you, Chandler? Anyone you want to go with?" she asks. I watch her hand touch Sam's arm.

I remember when he told me he didn't like seeing Bradley touch me at the winter formal. I wonder how he thinks I feel about this, if he even cares at all.

I don't look at him, but I feel Sam look over to me with slight nerves. He's afraid for my answer, whatever it might be. Either he'll be sad that I can't find anyone to go with, or he'll be sad that I do find someone to go with.

Selfishly, I don't care. He's done enough damage to me, I think it's time I stop trying to protect his feelings as much as I do despite the rekindling of our friendship.

Then, I look at him.

"I probably won't go," I say monotonously.

He looks pained. Good.

Her eyes widen. "What? Why?"

You know why, Blake.

She always gives me the eye like she knows what feelings lie between me and Sam. Though I'm fairly certain he's never explained the details of us, it doesn't take much intelligence to spot our desires. Maybe it's a little harder now that we've become distant, but she was around in sophomore and junior year when we were inseparable. When everyone commented on our closeness.