Our Secret Little Rendezvous

Chapter 36 - Feeling Hideous

Writtten by blue oozingchemistry_

Penelope's POV

I stared into the mirror, my eyes tracing the reflection that stared back at me.

Did I always look like this? It would explain a lot of my heartbreaks.

It had only been a few weeks since the breakup, but it felt like a lifetime.

The sadness clung to my every breath, a constant companion in my lonely moments.

A reminder that I no longer had him to hold me, to talk to me, to smile at me.

Oh, how I miss his smile, he had this kind of smile that would make you want to smile.

I remember every little curve that his face made when smiling. How his eyes light up, and his nose did this little crunch.

Was it weird that I always wanted to kiss his smile? Even before we got together.

Hhis smile would always make me feel butterflies, sometimes I would blush, isn't that crazy, imagine blushing because they smiled at you.

I wish I had this kind if smile, or just to have him here, so he could have this smile for me.

But no. I ruined everything.

As I examined my own face, I couldn't help but notice the changes, both subtle and profound.

My eyes felt so lost, alone, where they always like this? Or is it just the sorrow taking over? I wish I could go back and look.

I try to smile, he would want me to smile, he would smile right back at me.

But I didn't smile like he did, a smile that used to radiate joy had vanished, leaving behind a void I couldn't ignore.

I am being over dramatic, yes, but I'm a writer and a Swiftie so excuse you.

Every inch of my reflection seemed to amplify my perceived flaws. Where they always there?

Lines and blemishes I had never paid attention to before now shouted their presence, mocking my self-worth.

The mirror became a merciless critic, magnifying my insecurities until they consumed my thoughts.

My trembling fingers traced the contours of my face, desperately seeking solace, but all they found were unfamiliar landscapes.

Each touch served as a painful reminder of the girl I used to be, the girl who possessed confidence and self-assurance.

The girl who used to look in the mirror and feel good about herself, he made me feel better about myself. Yeah..

But I liked myself before him too, so why don't I now? It's just like before, when we were strangers crossing paths.

But in that moment, the mirror became a cruel antagonist, reflecting back my shattered self-esteem.

It echoed the whispers of doubt that had taken root within me, suffocating my spirit and leaving me feeling undeserving of love and happiness.

I took a deep breath in and out. I'm not falling back into old paths.

I longed for the days when I could look in the mirror and see strength and beauty. It wasn't that long ago so it just feels weirder.

But for now, all I saw was a reflection of a broken heart and a girl drowning in her own sorrow. That would change eventually, right?

Ding

I look to my right where my phone is laying. Please don't be Mateo. Please don't be him. Just please don't.

> Mateo: Hi, tonight at the club next to the campus? I'll pick you up at 8pm ;)

> Mateo: Don't forgot your fake ID, blue ;)

>Mateo: I can call you blue, right? I heard Oliver call you that so...

Now I'm definitely getting sick. Why did I say yes?

I mean I have to tell him that I have no interests in him whatsoever. Eventually. I don't want to hurt more people.

"Ava?" I say louder, so she could hear me from her room.

"I'm here I'm here! Who is the rebound? Is he hot?"

"Or she. I don't discriminate." I roll my eyes.

"What makes you think I have a rebound."

"It's the way you called my name. It was like "Ava please help me you always look hot and I need a hot outfit for the club Imm going to where I will get so drunk that I forget anything and can finally move on."

"You did get all that by me saying your name?" Should I be impressed or scared?

"My mother was a good teacher." I raise my brows but shake it off since she had exactly one rule before I moved her.

Don't ask or say anything about my parents. Which is weird, but she'll tell me when she is ready.

"Anyway, who is it?"

"I already told you." She is not going to like this.

"No. You are not- no." That's nicer than I expected her to be.

"I am, I promised, also I will just get so drunk that I can't remember my own name."

"Penelope, I don't think you should do that."

"It's funny that this is coming from you. Aren't you like black out drunk every second day?" I could feel her eyes starring at me.

Maybe I shouldn't have said that. "I'm looking out for you. What I do is none of your damn business." This is going very great.

"So what? I can't talk about your life but you are allowed to tell me who to date and when to drink."

"You should calm down." I am calm! She is being unreasonable.

"I have to go. Don't do anything, stupid." I nod as she walks out. Are we mad each other? I can't tell.

So, what am I wearing tonight?

___

As I stare at the mirror, I think about the worst case scenarios for today to happen.

1. Mateo confesses that he loves me and proposals. (I have to quit watching all these Rom-Coms)

2. I see Oliver's new Girlfriend and she is nice.

3. I see Oliver with his Girlfriend.

4. I see Olivers friends.

5. I see Oliver.

6. Anything involving Oliver

I have to stop thinking about Ollie so much, it's getting annoying, like my thoughts are so boring.

I shake my head, you're just going dancing, relax, Penelope.

Ding

I hear the doorbell ring, so I take one last glance in the mirror, smiling to myself.

You got this, blue.

I open the door and see him, duh because he is picking me up.

"Hi, long time no see." He jokingly says, and I force a laugh.

"Shall we go?" I nod as he takes my hand and we leave.