Chasing

Chapter 40

        Charlotte woke up in an unfamiliar room, feeling hazy. She noticed Elise seated in a chair at the foot of her bed before she realized she was in the hospital wing. And as her eyes met her best friend's, all of her numbed sensations became sharp again. Pain ripped her inside in two, and then many more, pieces. She rolled to her side and curled up, trying to contain it, to close the wound down, but there was no way. It hadn't been a nightmare. Cedric was...even in her head, she couldn't formulate the word. Elise had come closer, to the edge of the bed.

« I am so sorry, Charlotte. McGonagall put you to sleep because you wouldn't, well, you couldn't move anymore. I'm sorry. » She repeated. « There is no word. »

Then why do you bother ? Charlotte thought. She didn't care if anyone was sorry. She didn't care how she had got here from that dreadful scene. In the next bed, she saw Fleur was asleep. She wanted to ask how she was, but at the same time she felt like not caring about that either. She just wanted to fall back into sleep to take the pain away, but she also never wanted to sleep again so she would not have to wake back up to the most horrible truth she had ever faced ever again. Her boyfriend, her love, her Cedric was dead. She muffled a scream -or maybe it would have never got past her tight throat- into the pillow, and stayed like this, hardly but heavily breathing.

        She must have drifted to sleep eventually, because she opened eyes again to a brightly sunlit nursery. It didn't feel better than the first time. Maybe even worse, cause she started to have visitors now. Her parents had arrived, unable to do anything else than exchange anxious looks at her lack of talking, moving, reacting at all. Fleur and Elise were here as well, although it didn't change the situation, until Fleur was cleared. Madam Pomfrey came to feed the girl a bit forcefully, and went back to her office. Finally, Charlotte heaved herself up slightly. Harry had come into the room, approaching her bed in silence. He looked miserable too, and he was the only person she felt shared a grief that remotely matched hers. Of course, it wasn't the same loss as hers, but he had lived something terrible that night, and witnessed even more horror. Which was why she needed to find the strength to pronounce her next words.

« Harry. Can you tell me what happened ? » She got through the question with sudden tears that sprung as soon as she opened her mouth.

« I...I was afraid you would ask that. » He avoided her eyes. « I am sorry Charlotte, but I don't think I will be able to tell this once more. »

The blond bit her lip. She didn't want to lash at him, but really wanted to scream out loud. After twirling an unknitted thread of blanket for a moment, he added with a taint of hope.

« But I might have an idea for you to hear it anyway. Would be alright to come to Dumbledore's office with me ? »

Although her « Yes. » was barely audible, Charlotte got to her feet. As if she was physically impaired, Harry gestured to come support her, but she backed away.

        Professor Dumbledore agreed, when Harry asked him once at his office, to let her use the pensieve. So she plunged into the silvery surface of his memory of the night before, listening to Harry recount the whole unfolding of the events. When she got out of the bassin, she was clutching so hard to it, trembling. But as crushing as the tale of Cedric's death was, she needed to hear it, to know.

« Thank you so much. » She addressed her Headmaster first, then turned to Harry.

It was hard to think of physical contact with anyone, but she cupped the boy's cheek in spite of the sentiment, feeling also gratitude and empathy.

        Two days later, the whole school was sat for the Leaving Feast. But this one was absolutely different than usual, the heavy atmosphere becoming even somber when Dumbledore rose to his feet for his speech.

« There is much that I would like to say to you all tonight. » He started.

Charlotte was barely listening, the sounds coming in as a distant buzz. She was fixating her eyes on a point in front of her to stop herself from looking at the memorial that had been set at the front of the platform, and especially at the picture of a smiling, joyful, lively Cedric. Only the mention of the Hufflepuff boy's name took her out of that trance, like a drop of icy water coming through her ear to her brain and descending right to her guts. She realized everyone was rising and got to her feet mechanically, then sat back down following the crowd's movement.

« His death has affected you all, whether you knew him well or not [...]» Dumbledore was continuing. « Cedric Diggory was murdered by Lord Voldemort. »

Contrasting the whispers that erupted all around the Great Hall, Charlotte let out very silent tears. Looking at her, one would even have wondered if she was still breathing, which she felt like she could not.

        For the first time ever, all Charlotte wanted for the journey back on the Hogwarts Express was to be left alone. She quickly found an empty compartment, and proceeded to shoot dark looks at anyone who dared turn to the glass door ready to enter. Past the middle of the journey, tho, she made an exception for Harry again. She didn't have enough energy to fight one of her best friends.

« Hey. I'm not gonna bother you long, but I have something to tell you. » The boy started after he sat across from her. « I wanted to find a good time to say it but, I don't think there is ever going to be one... » Curiosity began to make Charlotte vaguely interested. « When Cedric reappeared as...hum, as a ghost, he didn't only ask me to bring his body back to his father and you. He wanted me to tell you that you definitely are the love of his life, but it is okay if he won't be yours. »

Unable to speak as she processed the message, the blond witch only nodded to Harry with gratitude for his delivery, a single tear rolling down her cheek.