"you died!"

maybe

maybe i dont like you,
(or any of your friends)

or her

or them

or him, or him,

or even myself.

and theres always this possibility, this chance, that everything is so flipped
and im okay with myself

and i hate you.

thats such a terrifying thought

and even more when i think
and indulge
and go further into

this abandoned train of thought
graffiti from some stupid teens prior to me,

even some of my own work from my previous
visits

and vibes growing through the wheels,
and rust covering every surface

the original paint is long gone, and theres an entire wall missing.

its obviously changed since being, made

but this is where i always return to

as much as it terrifies me:

i could get an innumerable amount of disease or damage
from the surroundings, the train, plants, animals, people.
(but what are people if not stupid animals wielding intelligence for the worst?)
i could fall ill so easily here,
and i almost always do
i seem to get stuck everytime, too.

as much as it terrifies me,

this train brings so much comfort to me

and thats scary too.