Fix You

CHAPTER 7: "Amnesia"

*tell me this is just a dream*

Liz licked her lower lip and held his hand in which he held back in return "h-how do you remember me, Ray?" She asked cautiously. Red stared at her bit his lower lip in concentration. "I-I hear your voice, I think...in dreams..y-you were there. I-I had a dream and you were there. We were happy, we-we had a family...y-you told me...you told me, you--loved me...I think that was you...and then...I-I heard rather saw myself answer you...I-told you I love you-and you're name...I said your name."
She was shocked and happy at the same time. Happy that he could somewhat remembered her, and that even in a coma he knew he loved her. Shocked because she didn't know she could hear him in his coma, so it was indeed true what they had said. People in an induced coma can hear you.
She had to poke the bear, and check on their footing; "Ray, can you tell me what year it is?" Red furrowed his brow and thinned hard "1994". Her eyes went wide he was well in the past. "Okay, can you please tell me, why are you looking for Sam Milhoan?" Red's eyes widen "you know Sam?" He asked, but she continued "I'll answer all your questions when you've answered mine, do we have a deal?" She said gently and he nodded "the last thing I remember before the accident they said I was in, there was a fire. They set up the fire, I-I thought it was done when the little girl's father died, but her mother had gotten away. I-I was about to get out, but I heard a scream. I searched so hard, till I found her inside the closet screaming. I-I calmed her down; took her out, but when we were almost out, I-a piece of ceiling fell on my back..." He stopped recalling it all. "...then, when I regain consciousness the little girl was waking me, shaking me jutting me awake. We managed to go out, I took her to Sam. He's a friend, he took her in... I need to know if they're okay. I didn't know what happened after that... I- please help me." His face was contorted in confusion, despair, fear, and pain. He looked so vulnerable and her heart ached for the man she loved.
"I will, I will...I just need you to answer a few more questions okay? And then I'll help you fill it all in." Red sighed his options and guessing that he had none, he reluctantly agreed. "What happened to your family?"
Red's breath got caught in his throat and he struggled to answer but nonetheless did so; "it was 1990, Christmas Eve. I was so excited to go home that I didn't check my car out for gas. In the middle of the road near our home in Maryland, my car broke down. I had to trek for two miles on knee high snow leaving all of my presents for my little girl behind, I was hoping I could persuade her that we get it tomorrow, and we'll use her mom's car. I was so excited to go home, I haven't seen my little girl for a long time, and she was my whole world. I missed my wife too, I know I haven't bee the best, but still I try, I love her, I love them. T-then when I get home..." He paused swallowing a lump in his throat "...all I saw was blood, everywhere there was blood. Th-they were gone, I looked for them, I still am looking for them. I-I got framed b-by the cabal. That's why I was at that house that night, I was trying to get the fulcrum in hopes of getting my family back, but i-I failed. I failed them all. My family, that little girl..."
Liz tried to hold back her tears "one last question Ray..." She swallowed hard, "what was her name?" Red shook his head, "ner mother called her Masha... I-I told Sam to give her a new name...and I-I'll work from there. I don't know...he called her "butterball", but I think her name is Elizabeth."
Lizzie squeezed his hand and wiped away a tear on her face before standing up and sitting on the edge of his bed. Gently she wiped the tears from his face and kissed his forehead tenderly "I guess, I have to lighten you up now with answers do I?" Red leaned into her touch, "please help me..." He whispered so brokenly.
"I will..." Liz promised, kissing his forehead. "Ray, look at me please." She asked of him. "Ray, it's already year 2015..." She starred and with that his head shot up looking at her. "Sam Milhoan is my adoptive father, I'm the little girl you saved that night...I'm that Elizabeth." She managed to stammer out, and he looked at her his eyes brimming with tears of pain and sorrow. "Over 20 years ago in '94 you were framed, I was the girl. Back in '90 your family had gone missing, your wife has now a new life her name is Naomi...I'm just sad, we don't know where Jennifer is. She refused to tell you, and us...Ray I am so sorry."
Red's head dropped and she felt the tears running down his face; she hugged him tight to her and he hugged her back as in dear life. She ran a hand over his head, soothing him down, shushing him and comforting him. She tried to keep her emotions at bay, she needed him to be strong, and if needed she will be strong for the both of them.
When his tears subsided Liz continued to hold him close, comforting him. He thought very hard in order to cope with the newfound information before croaking out; "Lizzie?" He asked in a small voice that sounded so vulnerable "yeah?" She answered in the same tone "will you promise to tell me everything when I'm ready?" He asked sounding like a little boy who was asking for a toy. Liz placed a gentle kiss to his forehead, "I'll be glad to, all you need to do is tell me when you're ready, okay?" She felt Red nod in response before slowly looking back at her; "please don't be mad...but, you're too good to me...I-i can't even imagine why..." He said trailing off before lowering his head and looking down onto his lap; "Ray, look at me..." She said softly cupping his cheeks, but he didn't looked at her. Slowly and gently she touched his chin and made him look at her; "through the years you've known about me, you always did your best to protect me and keep me safe. There were things that you did in the past that made me mad, but in the end I knew you did those because you cared for me. You are the one constant in my life that I knew I could always lean on, that's why I care." She tried to explain to him without getting him confused. After all he didn't need to know that now that he placed Tom in her life and the disaster it cost. He didn't need to remember that he almost died twice to save her. He didn't need to remember that she had called him a monster. She didn't need all the lies she had told him in order to drive him away. And he didn't need to feel the way he felt before all of this happened; rejected and unloved, because the truth was he was more than welcome, he was in fact loved.

Over the next few days, Red got used to having Lizzie around. She "introduced" him to Dembe, and Kate who were now also constant visitors. The way he acted and Dembe and Kate were just like the old-times and Liz was happy he was coping. He remembered to interact with Aram and Samar the next time they visited. He was skeptical around Donald and Harold though, but Lizzie told him that they were good guys too. Slowly Red made a life, he created a new life where the future was a lot brighter.

During one of Lizzie's visit, Red finally asked her to tell everything that he needed to know "please do not leave anything out, good or bad...just please, tell me." He asked quietly. And Lizzie could only agree; the next time she visited she brought the files of the people they caught from his Blacklist. She explained to him how he surrendered to the FBI and would only ask to talk to her. She explained that he was FBI's 4th most wanted criminal, and worked in the underbelly of the criminal world. She told him how he had infiltrated her life, how he destroyed everything that she held onto, killed his adoptive father, and basically placed her life in shambles. "I've destroyed you..." He mumbled a few minutes later after Liz finished re-telling the story of his life. "I've done nothing but to bring danger, and pain in your life..." He said in such s suet voice as a tear slipped down his eye and fell onto his lap; she noticed that his lips were trembling and it was taking everything he had in order not to break down in-front of her. "I'm a monster..." He whispered, letting unchecked tears fall. Liz sat beside him on his bed and held him tight; "You're not a monster Red... You're a selfless and misunderstood man... You did what you had to do to protect the ones you love..." She tried to explain "I've done nothing but to place my loved ones life in danger...I've brought them, and you nothing but pain and sorrow..." He said with a heavy heart. She shook her head, vehemently at him "Ray, look you need to listen to me..." But he shook his head; she cupped his cheeks and held on tight making him listen to her "Raymond Reddington you are an exceptional man beneath what you let the world see behind that mask of yours. You are a great man regardless of what they say, a selfless lover, and a fierce protector. You are loyal, undoubtedly caring, and just a sweet sweet man. You never lied, not to me. You've protected me, kept me safe...you care more than you know. Please, please believe me Ray..."
He looked into her eyes and saw nothing but love and admiration. "I'm never letting you go again Ray, I guess you're stuck with me..." Red chuckled a bit "I think I'd like that..." He said with a small smile "that's if you'll have me... By what I heard, I think I a handful..." It wad her turn to chuckle a bit "yes, you're a handful...but nothing that I can't handle..." They both smiled "I guess you're stuck with me..." She said cupping his cheeks and Red laughed leaning in closer. And letting his forehead rest against hers "yeah..." He said just above a whisper "and I think I wouldn't have it any other way..."