The Grim Reaper || Technoblade (Old)

19: Coffee

As I pondered my questions, my very existence. What was I doing? What was the purpose of being here? My mind filled itself with a storm of conflicting emotions. Doubt tugged at the back of my brain, urging me to leave, to be a coward and run away from it all and continue my duties alone.

Alone, I couldn't bear that again could I? With no one to talk to and no one there to laugh and smile. Here I could talk and enjoy and live my life like everyone else, I was able to smile and be with others. I tightened my grip on the mask, its cold surface grounding me in the moment.

I sat on the couch, the blanket that usually covered me in the night creasing under the weight of my body as I leaned back and took in a deep breath of cold winter air. It was early December, I couldn't say the exact date as we didn't own a calendar. The temperatures dropping to levels below freezing daily, and there was something about that type of air that kept me awake with the frost in my lungs.

I turned my head and gazed out of a closed window, the blizzard from earlier in the day leaving a clear sky and a layer of powdered snow that was clean of any footprints. I couldn't help but yearn for clarity amidst the chaos. What was happening, was it mere days before destruction? What would be coming in the nearby future?

Would those I care about be hurt? What would happen if I couldn't help them? I had to do something, I couldn't just sit around and be useless. Every fiber of my being craved connection, someone who would listen without judgment, someone who could understand the turmoil within me. After lifetimes of loneliness, all I wanted were friends.

I laid down on the couch, lying throwing the blanket on top of me. I just wanted the day to be over with, this terrible day, I could move on tomorrow, forget what I saw, forever it all and move on. I'd apologize to Techno and thank him once more for his hospitality, I'd pat Carl and feed him as many apple slices that he'd eat.

And I'd close my eyes for the night and let my mind take over.

A dreamless night was all I wished for.

And a dreamless night I got.

As the first rays of dawn filtered through the window, I woke up and stretched out my arms, fixing my hood which fell off in the night and laying there for a moment. I reached my hands in the air and looked up at them. I was like a child, staring up at the ceiling and reaching for the stars.

I put my hands down and looked to the side, Technoblade's door. It was open. So I woke up later than him, and judging by the light, I'd either catch him downstairs, or he'd have left for the day.

I put my legs on the floor and got up, stretching my back and walking over to the ladder, going to the lower floor. There I found Techno, a tired expression on his face and a mug of coffee in his hand. I looked over to the windowsill, where no broken lantern or chipped glass remained. Although, a small dent in the wood was visible and I froze up, I just left him to clean the entire thing and fell asleep, how long had it taken?

I looked back at Techno, he just stared, drinking from his mug of coffee with a bored expression, how late had he stayed up?

Before thinking of all the things I promised myself, how I'd thank him profusely and leave him alone, how I'd leave him alone and let him be alone to do Technoblade things, I ran forward and wrapped my arms around him.

I felt him freeze up but whispered in his ear, "Thank you for everything you've done for me."

I could feel him tense up and he was silent, frozen, probably out of shock from the entire thing. I heard the shattering of a dish and let go of the surprising hug, only to see the coffee mug, that was previously in Technoblade's hand, shattered on the floor with a pool of coffee around it.

The shards of the broken mug lay scattered on the floor, the rich aroma of coffee mingling with the air. I stepped back, my heart sinking as I realized the consequences of my impulsive gesture. Technoblade's eyes, filled with a mix of astonishment and concern, met mine, and for a moment, time seemed to stand still. Just Thanatos, Technoblade, and a cup of coffee that was brutally murdered.

"I... I didn't mean to startle you," I stammered, my voice barely above a whisper. Guilt washed over me, the weight of my thoughtlessness crashing down upon me like a wave. How could I have been so careless? I had disrupted his peace, randomly barged down and hugged him out of nowhere, ruining his perfectly peaceful morning.

I couldn't tell what was going on in that complicated mind of his, an emotionless mask covered his bare face, he knelt down, carefully picking up the shattered fragments of the mug, his movements deliberate and controlled. The silence hung heavy in the room, punctuated only by the sound of clinking ceramic in his hand.

I reached down to help him pick up the tiny pieces of damaged mug and throw them in the trash, before wiping up the wasted coffee with a couple of rags.

"You don't have to thank me," he finally spoke, his voice softer than I had ever heard it before. "I helped because Phil asked me to, and you had nowhere else to go."

I bit my lip, a mix of remorse and gratitude swirling within me. It was clear he didn't need to do it, keep an entire stranger at his house for a mere favor of a friend. He was closer to Philza than I initially thought.

Yet in that moment, I realized the importance of Phil to Techno. He would do anything for the man, the god. He'd walk to the ends of the earth, or move mountains at an ask. It was a bond I couldn't hope to achieve.

"I'm sorry," I whispered, my voice tinged with regret. "I know you have much more important things than keeping a stranger in your house."

Technoblade's gaze softened, and he placed a hand on my shoulder, wet towel in the other, "I know," he replied, his voice tinged with a hint of warmth. "But you aren't just a stranger anymore"

I just stood there as he left the room, leaving the wet rag in the kitchen and turning towards the door, grabbing his mask and affixing it to his face, before leaving without even a goodbye.

As there I stood, the other coffee stained towel in my hand, and a heart that shattered into a million pieces. There was Technoblade, Techno, a beast, a legend, an animal that couldn't be tamed, a man. A person behind the toughest exterior. He was a person, just like me.

And I understood, he had to run from people he once considered allies, friends, family.

He was lonely, in a barely lived in house, and he just needed a friend.