"Tyler...?"
"Hm?"
I snapped out of my trance. We were sitting on the sand, me and June, and holding hands, the waves of the sea lapping over our bare feet, the evening sun sparkling orange on the surface of the water. If I remember correctly, we had just turned nine.
"Your hands are so warm..."
She looked down at both our hands, and held mine tighter. She leaned over and drew a heart in between us with her little forefinger in the sand, and placed a 'T + J' in it.
That day, everything changed forever.
"Can I tell you something I found myself thinking about yesterday?" She suddenly blurted, sitting on her knees.
"Okay." I replied, wary. This could range from the fact that noses run and feet smell to her new favourite book. I loved that about her.
"Two years ago, Mom brought me to my dad's grave. She said that he committed suicide when we were babies. I didn't know what that meant back then, but I now know that it means that he killed himself."
My heart almost stopped. I knew what "suicide" meant but I had never actually thought about the word at all.
"I had a dream last night. And in the dream, you died. You wanted to drown yourself in the sea. You were swimming out, and out, until you sank underneath the surface, and I heard your heartbeat fade out. It reminded me of Dad. Maybe he drowned himself in the sea."
She squinted her eyes shut as if she was trying to forget the memory. Pain was stitched on her face and it hurt me just to look at it.
"I get it. Sometimes you feel so sad that you want to stop it. Your feelings will keep oncoming like an infinite sea, never stopping, until you force it to. Until you force your heart to stop."
She jabbed at my chest with her finger.
"But then, I realised, you would never know what it would feel like to go to big-kid school.You wouldn't know happiness, or excitement, or any of that. And I'd hate to see you having such bad thoughts and feelings, that you'd end up doing such a horrible thing like drowning yourself in the sea. So when your heart feels sad, do me a favour. Don't stop."
"Promise?" she suddenly said.
"Huh?"
"You gotta promise not to do such a thing."
"June, I don't have a death wish."
"Promise me, Tyler!"
She held out a hand, fingers wide apart, palm facing me. I wasn't sure what I was supposed to do. I wondered whether or not this was the kind of thing you did with your pinkie. So I stuck my little finger out.
"No, no, one little finger isn't enough! You gotta promise with your whole hand!"
She waggled her five little fingers. I grinned and shook my head, and then pressed my palm flat to hers, and she threaded her fingers between mine and grasped my hand, my fingers still pointing upwards.
"Why not my whole body?" I said, grin only growing wider. I always found myself smiling in this girl's presence.
"That works too!"
YOU ARE READING
North
General Fiction"Iriehen was a dreamer's city. It wasn't a city for the faint of heart, not for someone like me, who was just waiting for the next big thing. It was a city for the people who were in the next big thing." ... When June Winters, a young attorney aspir...
