Forgive Me

Six | Riley

I sat up in bed the following morning, reading over the same message James had sent me last night. I hadn't responded to it because I didn't know how to.

I wasn't okay and I miss him and Remi just as much as they miss me, but I can't leave. If I do, I can't even imagine what will happen or what Mark would do. If I could, I would have left ages ago, before any of this happened but I had to think about Aria too.

So far it was Mark who had been helping with her heart condition. He was the one giving her the right medication and he knew what to do whenever she had high blood pressure or irregular heart patterns.

One of the reasons I was still here was purely because I trusted him to know what to do when something bad happened to her. As toxic as he may be, he knows what he's doing.

The moment I leave, all that responsibility would be left to me. And I know there are loads of doctors out there who would be willing to help but so far Mark seems to be the most skilled in that area. There hasn't been a time where he's let Aria down.

I do need James, but if I leave, anything could happen to Aria at any given moment.

She was still asleep as she lay by my side on the bed and so I turn my phone off and stretch my arm over to pull her in closer to me. I don't know how my life got so messed up so quickly, but I don't exactly know how to get it back on track either...

I don't want to be here, but the fear of not knowing what would happen if I was to leave has been holding me back for years. There's a light knock on the bedroom door, causing me to raise my head and look up for my eyes to meet Emma's.

She was the one person I could talk to on a friendly basis and open up to ever since we'd been here. I was glad to have her around, it meant I at least hadn't cut myself off from everyone, even if I did just meet Emma in the recent years.

"Morning, Ri. How's little one doing?" she asks when she steps inside the room, leaving the door wedged open. She goes to draw the curtains open since they had been shut all morning before she takes a seat on the chair by the bed.

I sit myself up and brush my hand along Aria's arm. "She's still fast asleep, aren't you, sleepyhead?" I say softly with a light chuckle as her face contorted into a slight frown at the sound of my voice, probably because I had just disrupted her sleep.

She usually took a while to wake herself up but so long as she was with me, she was fine. If she was to wake up and find she was surrounded by anyone else who wasn't me, she no doubt would have thrown a tantrum and started crying creating a flood of tears.

"No worries. I was hoping to get her involved in a children's day club today? You can stick around with her so she won't be on her own. There will be other parents there too for you to socialise as well if you'd like," Emma suggests, looking to me with a hopeful glint in her eye.

I wanted more than anything for that to happen, but there were strict rules Mark had set out and that included Aria and I staying here. Otherwise there'd be consequences, and that was put in his own words.

"I would, Emma, but I'm not so sure how Mark would feel about that," I mumble, looking down at Aria when she stirs a little. She shuffles up closer to me so I position her on top of my lap and turn her body around so her head could rest against my chest with my hand placed on the back of her head.

Emma looks at me and raises an eyebrow before quickly getting up to close the door, ensuring no one would be able to hear us.

"Is Mark Aria's father?" she asks, already knowing the answer.

I roll my eyes but shake my head, sighing. "No," I mumble.

"And is he with you in any way, shape or form?"

I bite my lip but again shake my head. "No," I mutter. He was just the person I happened to be living with because he was delusional and thought Aria was his blood. But she wasn't. She couldn't have been. Only, he doesn't know that.

"Exactly," Emma continues. "I know it's hard, Ri, but you can't let him continue controlling you both like this. You deserve to go out and Aria deserves to have a life. It's all good and well that I'm coming here each day to check on how she's doing but she really needs to have that sense of freedom. And you do too."

She looks over me, like she was examining me before she shakes her head, looking somewhat more concerned than before. "You didn't sleep last night, did you?" she asks, to which I stare at her blankly.

Of course I didn't. I don't think I've ever had a proper sleep that's lasted longer than six hours ever since we've been here. There is always so much on my mind.

Just in that moment, my phone lights up with a notification - one I had been dying would be from James, but when I see it wasn't from him, I sigh frustratedly and look away.

"I know you're scared, Ri, and I know you might think Mark has been helping Aria but he hasn't. If I was you, I'd try to leave as soon as possible. She'll benefit more when she's away from him." She stands up and turns to leave, closing the door behind her so she could head downstairs into the nursery to set up a bunch of toys Aria could play with once she was awake.

The moment she goes, I grab my phone and I go back to James's text message from the night before. Looking over it, I let my thumbs type out the words filling my head without a care in the world. Then I send it before I had the chance to regret it.

Riley: I need your help James...

As I wait for him to reply, I look down at Aria and then join my hand together with hers.

"We'll get out of here, baby," I whisper as I simultaneously google searched the list of train times throughout the day...