Better than revenge

Meeting

Meeting him was my redemption at least that's what I thought anyway let's go back way back to when we first met.

I was sat in bed crying because I had been screwed over by yet another man who promised me the world but couldn't even make me orgasm.

I sit with my thoughts remembering the awful night that was supposed to consummate our love but left me heart broken.

"Oh it's so good yes I'm gonna—" I moan out fakely as he groans in my ear like a constipated tortoise.

Eww.

Granted I found it attractive in the moment that moment ended extremely fast.

Flash back over.

I sit on my bed crying

"Some day I'll be living in a big old city and all you'll ever be is mean." I sing loudly to Taylor swift as i sob loudly mum knocks on my door as I quickly wipe my eyes.

"Yes come in mum." I say smiling falsely as she looks at me like she's going to cry. Oh no.

"Mum I'm fine okay it wasn't meant to be." I say sniffling as I turn Taylor swift down.

"I know baby you will find your Prince I promise you just gotta go through the bad to get to the good." She says as i nod and stand up off of my bed and walk up to her.

"Are you sure you are going to be okay?" My mother says as i nod.

"Yes of course I'm just being dramatic." I say disregarding my feelings like I always do.

"Mars are you okay!" My dad says knocking on the trailer door as I sigh and widen my smile falsely.

"I'm good honestly dad I'm great." I say as I internally scream.

"Wow matches already you're on fire babe." My mum says as i nod and sigh.

"Yeah something like that." I say nodding as my parents shut the trailer door and leave me to wallow in my own self hatred.

My parents brought me a trailer to live in when I was eighteen now I'm twenty one I feel like I've put grown it but I don't make enough money to rent and I wouldn't get house mates because one word.

Anxiety.

I shove my head into my pillow and scream loudly.

My phone starts to ring a second later it's spence.

"Hey." I say wiping my eyes on my pillow.

"Hey did you sort out with mark why he was being blunt with you?" He asks as i scoff.

"Yeah I did he ghosted me he fucked me then blocked me after telling me we could build a relationship." I say as tears fall down my eyes.

"I'm sorry babe men are trash." He says down the phone.

"Really then why are you gay?" I question as he chuckles.

"Hey I like dick, men questionably." He says as I smile softly as I giggle a-little.

"Do you wanna have a sleepover I'll bring pizza?" Spence asks as I nod thinking he can see me through the audio call.

"Yes, that's be great." I say as he tells me he loves me and puts the phone down.

I start to write in my journal letting all my feelings go.

Dear journal

Sometimes I wish Spence was into girls I'm tired of looking for affection men like to hurt me I really thought mark was the one he made my heart flutter and I thought everything about him was beautiful but he only wanted to sleep with me.

Why would anyone want to love someone as desperate and pathetic as me.