Better than revenge

Mark again

I sit on my bed FaceTiming a sorry mark.

"Look I never meant to be funny with you it's just my mum is crazy strict and I just had to get out I needed to leave home I was moving and I was busy please say you understand." He says looking at me with his big dark eyes. His eyes remind me of demon eyes no emotion in them just dark black holes.

The real me the one that feels everything wants to scream at him to shout to tell him he took my v card then left and screwed me over but the lover in me she says almost robotically.

"It's okay I understand." I say, it's crazy how sincere I look when I'm lying.

"I need isee you tonight I miss you so much." He says in a strained voice like it's paining him to be away from me.

The logical me would argue if he missed me that much he'd see me in the day but the lover me just went with it.

"Okay come round tonight at eight." I say cheerfully as he shakes his head I raise my eyebrow wondering why not.

"I was thinking midnight we could have one of our chats." He says sniffing as i nod and then put the phone down.

I text Spence and instantly get a don't do it text back.

Realistically I should've listened to him but this was part of the journey.

Mark got a taxi to mine and I waited in the porch in the cold in my small pj shorts and oversized iron maidan top.

He didn't waste time talking just went straight for my body.

Midway through he slapped my face I asked him to stop but he enjoyed it and it made him happy so I figured he might love me if I went along with it.

Then he started to scratch my body and pinch me it hurt a lot and left bruises but it made him happy.

The next day Spencer got mad at me for letting him do that to me when Spence left I cried and I cried and I cried.

He had blocked me, again.

I really thought this time he loved me, but love doesn't exist for people like me for dreamers.

I lay in bed looking up at the celling wondering what it would be like for it to just disappear into a black hole and for me to just disappear with it.

What's wrong with me why aren't I good enough I change my hair colour near damn every month to be what the guy I'm dating wants I plaster myself in makeup even if it makes my face feel caked I'll do it I'll do anything to feel love a real love I don't mean sex or we hang out and he's good company not toxic like break up makeup I mean a real unconditional love.

Three weeks later I waited for my period it hadn't come yet and I was starting to get nervous.

I went out with Spencer and we was joking about saying let's convince your mum you're pregnant.

So he brought me a test I drew two lines on one then figured I might as well just do the other one.

"Umm spencer." I call from the toilet as I sit there with the test shaking in my hand tears falling down my eyes.

He storms in as I hold the test up.

"Oh fuck." He says loudly as I stand up and pull my jeans and underwear up.

"Get your hoodie!" He says as I put my hoodie on.

"Where are we going?" I ask wiping my tears.

"To get more tests." He says pulling my arm out the trailer door as I squeeze my head through my hoodie.

"It's probably just a mistake." I say on the brink of hyperventilating.

Jokes on me.

It took thirty minutes and fifty pounds worth of clear blues for it too all set in.

I'm a month pregnant.

Fuck.

I go to the hospital

"But he didn't even cum!" I shout to Spencer as the nurse walks in and my cheeks flush.

"you are showing signs of pregnancy however it is to early to show on an ultra sound, I suggest you come back in three to four weeks I will set you up for an ultrasound on the 2th of may." She says as i nod awkwardly.

"Thank you." I mumble feeling awkward.