Better than revenge

First Date

Ever since I was little I've known I was not normal it first started when I was five and my brother told me the world was ending and I had a panic attack till I passed out.

That was when I was first diagnosed with anxiety disorder it was this little thing that made a little girl like myself stand out from the rest,my own little tag.

Anxiety.

For awhile the teachers would follow me around and make sure I was okay, I wasn't but how's a five year old girl going to say she feels like she's sinking deeper and deeper in thought when she doesn't even know what to think about.

After that it became evidently clear I didn't fit in so I tried my hardest to be like the other girls in class I'd make my sister straighten my hair and put blusher on my cheeks I'd laugh when the other girls said they was worried about this guy fancying them because they want to save themselves for their soulmate whilst they worried about that I had flash backs of some of the worst moments of my life running on a tape recorder in my mind because apparently an eidetic memory is a gift I have that I never asked for.

But really the one thing that hung about in my mind was find someone to love me.

That was when I met my first unsuspecting victim.

It was this cute blonde haired boy let's call him Blue he had pretty blue eyes and freckles.

I had just moved house and my parents were on the brink of divorce the teacher welcomed me to the class and he looked up at me and stuck his tongue out the juvenile act in itself meant nothing but to me I had just met my soul mate for the next six years.

I clung to him like my life depended on it.

I was this short pudgy girl with chubby cheeks and an overbite but he didn't care I was his best friend.

"Hello Marley some boy is outside for you!" Dad says calling me as I groan.

"Here goes nothing." I mutter.

"Hey." I say walking over to the red haired boy stood in the car park next to his car.

"Hey for a second I thought you stood me up!" He says as I giggle.

(Wouldn't that be a shame)

"Oh no I just had a wardrobe malfunction." I say as he laughs.

He's cute doesn't look like he'd fuck me over.

"Don't get grumpy when I win at bowling." I say grinning widely.

"Oh I do my face turns bright red." He says laughing as he plays rock music loudly.

Old me would've explained how she loved rock music even if it gives her a headache and makes her ears hurt.

New me just sits and doesn't say anything to impress him.

Every now and then he makes effort to skim his fingers against mine.

It's sweet but it's not love I wish it was but it's not.

When he opened the door to the bowling alley for me I didn't swoon like I normally do because tho its gentleman like he's not moving a mountain for me.

He won at bowling the competitive kid in me wanted to pull his eyeballs out.

Afterward he gave me the most awkward hug! We didn't kiss or fuck he just hugged me like a distant relative.

It was perfect.