Gold Dust Woman- Lip Gallagher

debbie stole a baby

The Gallaghers needed a new water heater, so I walked with Lip and Ian to find one, preferably a used one. 

"So, we're just gonna wait out here?" Ian said as we stopped at a house. 

"He's a chain-smoking pothead in a stress-inducing situation," Lip explained, "He'll be out soon."

"What are we supposed to say?" I said.

"Dunno. Just play it cool."

"Play what cool?" Ian said.

"Things people play cool. Jesus, Ian!"

Something rang, and as I reached for my pocket, Lip pulled a phone out of his jacket pocket. 

"You got a cell?"

"Someone left it in the cafeteria," Lip said, "Hey, Kare. Yeah, I'm at some dead lady's house trying to see if I can score a water heater. Meet me after?"

He hung up and walked back over to us.

"Kare?" I said.

"Cory Fitch?" he said.

I glared at him as my phone rang. 

Incoming call, Diana.

"Ugh, what does this bitch want?" I said, picking up the phone, "Hey."

"Mayo, what the fuck did you do with my wallet?"

"I didn't touch your wallet," I said flatly.

"Well, then why the fuck is it not in my purse?"

"Bitch, how should I know? I'm never home and don't go through other people's things."

"Put your boyfriend on the phone."

"Who?"

"Lip!"

I groaned and looked at Lip, "Here. The wicked stepsister wants to have a word with you."

Lip took the phone and conversed with her for a little. There was some hostility and cursing on his end, which was not surprising.

"I didn't take your fucking wallet. Jesus, maybe you should keep better track of your shit. Oh my god, shut the fuck up, you fucking bitch."

Ian and I looked at each other with wide eyes as she continued cursing him out.

"Yeah, fuck you, Diana. I hope the next dude you bang has herpes," He hung up and returned the phone to me. Ian and I laughed at that last comment.

"What'd she say to you?" I asked.

"Oh, just normal I'm ghetto trash and stuff like that," he said.

"Lovely," I said as a text popped up from Diana, "What the fuck."

"What now?"

"Diana just said she'll give me fifty bucks if I do the laundry and make the Caesar salad tonight because she's going on a date," I said.

"Jesus, bipolar much?" Ian said. 

"Oh, you have no idea," I said.

__________________________________________

We finally scored a water heater and found a shopping cart to put it in. As we pushed it down the sidewalk, we heard someone yelling. It was Fiona and Steve in a car. 

"Debbie stole a baby. We have to figure out how to return it," Fiona said.

"She did what now?!" I said.

"Debbie stole a baby?" Lip said.

"Yup," Steve said.

"Why?" Ian asked.