His Secret

Chapter 6

Jay

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A wrong note slides between my fingers and I make a face, as if it was my guitar's fault.

Antoine: "Well, then... Jay! You don't seem concentrated..."

Jay: "I am! Yeah... It'll be okay..."

Antoine: "Are you sure?"

I concentrate on my guitar: we have to finish this song tonight and I can't wait to get home.

I feel like a bundle of nerves and that my mind is boiling.

But who is that girl...?! Gosh! I feel as if I'm thinking about her too much... but... Why?

What can I do?

She's intriguing...

I know that type of person too well... The prettiest girls in middle or high school have always done crazy things.

I'm wary...

Even if... I feel as if she is sincere...

In any case, that doesn't change anything.

I don't want to bind myself to anyone, it's too risky... I don't want to betray my... "secret".

I think that she's too interested in my life... Does she suspect something?

I don't think so...

The first time we saw one another, I remember that she smiled... A beautiful smile, on a kind face...

Too kind...

Today I know that not everything is that perfect.

However... I can't seem to forget that I was troubled, and I have to admit that that doesn't happen often to me.

It's quite shocking... and that feeling stresses me out. I hate being controlled by my emotions.

My father would have a laugh if he knew...

I have objectives and I can't lose sight of them. I can't let myself get distracted by a pair of beautiful eyes.

Especially when there is a risk of being stabbed in the back.

In my head, I hear the voice of my father telling me I'm bitter... He's right.

Except I don't care...

I think about our last class, and I can see the teacher questioning the girl who answered him, smiling, as if it was the best day of her life.

I feel like everything is a game for her.

Her answer was correct, and rather well constructed. She debated with the teacher with ease and naturally. She seems smart.

This girl is beautiful, nice, smiling and visibly... smart.

As I was saying earlier... it's too "perfect".

Antoine: "I don't think that it's too perfect... That's what gives it all its depth!"

Did I say that outloud?

I jumped before hearing the sound engineer answer him.

I sighed... and laughed discretely at my naivety.

I let them talk about my last performance... that I thought was mediocre.

My thoughts continued to wander: they drifted towards that girl and towards my memory of her exchange with the teacher that didn't agree with her.

She had a hard time hiding that she was annoyed and didn't hold back from expressing it clearly.

The teacher, however, didn't seem offended, and actually was almost amused...

He seemed to know his student well. I suppose she's been in his class in past years.

As stubborn as a mule, she stayed steady on her position until her teacher managed to prove logically that she was wrong...

She accepted her defeat and showed it noisily while taking her head in her hands.

I could think that she was exaggerating... but... no... her exaggerated behaviour seems to be a part of her.

What a... personality!

The teacher burst out laughing while the girl crossed her arms and pouted, while promising that she would be right one day.

Despite it all, they smiled at one another. There is a great mutual respect between them, and I don't see that very often between a teacher and their students.

Generally, students who get along with their teachers are made fun of...

But not her...

It's so accepted.

I can feel that this little scene is somehow shaking my vision of humans.

Was I wrong to react the way I did earlier...?

Antoine: "Of course he's wrong!"

I turn around abruptly, surprised by the possibility that everyone can read my mind.

Antoine: "He thinks that everything should be "perfect" for it to be worth something! Except he's wrong!"

Jay: "Are you talking about me?"

Antoine: "Of course I'm talking about you... Who else?! Jerry asked my opinion about the past two hours and how you're relentlessly trying to create something impeccable! When, from the beginning, it was good... And the more you try, the worse it gets. Actually... you are completely elsewhere!"

I frown.

I think I'm going to have to rethink my judgement...