Always ( Cameron Dallas )

5

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Melissa

Unending beeps was all I could hear as all I saw was pure black. I didn't even bother opening my eyes as I know what has happened but I can even manage to famine the thought of the reality of it.

I feel as though I am not even here. My mind is somewhere where is unknown but it is not a foreign place I feel as though as I have been here before in darkness but at some sort of peace.

I'm scared to wake and feel the reality of what has happened and the chaos that has reigned upon me.

I now know that I am awake but I don't move the slightest or open my eyes as I hear shuffling around me which send major aches through my head and body.

"Why the fuck am I here Mia?"

"Calm down please , Cam." Mia begs the familiar voice that has me shocked at the angry and pissed tone.

"All you have been doing is telling me to calm down and chill! Fuck I don't want to be here! I hate hospitals and you know this is the ward my dad was in! I'm even over her and her fucking lies!" He spits as I can hear the familiar sounds of fast pacing.

"Your acting like you were the only one who didn't know! I didn't either! I know your mad but it's no ones fault!"

"It's her fucking fault! She lost the baby she kept it from me and the professionals!"

I feel my heart has sunk but not broken. I knew the reality but not the consequences.

I move my fingers and fist them together as I begin to feel with my hands the sheets.

"Melissa.. You're up!" I hear Mia say as she moves next to me and grabs onto my hand.

I see Cameron walk and sit on the chair that is in the corner of the room.

"How are you feeling?" she asks me as I take my attention away from Cameron.

"Sore." I respond

"Good to see you awake." my dad speaks as he enters the room with a click board I hand.

"Dad I'm in pain." I mutter as I feel a blow to my lower abdomen.

I feel empty.

"I know sweetie but that is the after effects of losing your baby." he tells me with a very apologetic tone.

I shake my head as I feel small droplets leave my ears and soak into my skin as they leave salty and warm stings on my lips. I knew from the moment I feel on my bathroom floor what had happen.

"I'm subscribing you with some medication. I am very sorry honey." he bends down and kisses my forehead before leaving.

"Do you seriously have nothing to say right now?"

I turn my attention back to the corner where he has spoken up and is standing with a demanding persona.

"Do you not even feel bad for what has happened? It was my child as well!" he yells and the previous flower vase is shattered along the wall.

"That's enough Cameron lets go." Mia speaks up standing between the small space.

But I let him go on and don't speak.

He is right and has every right to be angry, I am completely responsible and he can take what ever he has left of me away.

"Were you ever going to tell me? All your covers ups were for the purposes of hiding my own child from me? Or was it because it's not even mi-"

"Cameron don't say things you don't mean! You know that Mel has no one else besides you and the thought should of never been put into your mind." Mia stands up for me.

I don't know if I'm glad she is here or not, I would of taken every piece of speech from cameron without any defence because I know how much he is hurting and how empty I am.

"I only came here to say I am taking Christian. You can take me to court to the days you want him." He tells me looking me straight in the eyes as he stops near the door.

Even though I am in no position to comment, I see in his eyes what I've seen only a couple of times. Pain and sadness.

"You don't mean that. Your angry go take a breath of fresh air and I'll pick up Christian from Alyssa while you sort your anger out." Mia tells him.

I don't say anything because I feel in a state of uncertainty and shock. I seem like I am in a daze of where I believe where I am and what had happened, but I choose not to process it all.

"I want my son and I'll get my son. At least I know he will be honest with me."  He spits as the door slams shut loudly behind him.

I close my eyes and let the built up emotions flow out.

"What were you thinking Mel?" Mia asks as she stands at the foot of the bed.

I don't want her here I don't want anyone here. I'm in pain both emotional and physical and I don't know how to heal both. My only source of comfort has left and I'm left with Te guilt and backfire.

"Melissa talk to me." She begs.

I shake my head and curl my self in a ball and I grab onto the sheets, "Go away."

"I'm here for you!"

"Please!" I cry the last part out letting my voice break and unstoppable tears stream.

That's when I heard the door close as loud as the last time.

With a emptiness that used to be fruitful I cry at my loss of my child that I would of supplies and gave my life up for. I feel guilty and am for the negligence I gave towards my love and the selfishness to attempt to tell him then keep from him.

My other precious gem, Christian would be better without me. I can't protect him from the unknown and I can't be a guardian. If Cameron doesn't see hope in me then I don't know who can.

I feel as though I've lost a person I was connected with. Imagine losing your mother or father, your guardian and protector. They have failed you haven't they? They lost you and weren't there to wipe your tears away.

My child
I hope you are protected better than I was able to in your paradise.
Watch over your family who are left behind and be a guardian to your brother.
I apologise for the failure and loss of a parent figure I was.
I let you down,
Forever your Mother.

•••••••••••••

IM BACK BITCHES!

That was really sad to write agh hate myself !!!!!'n :((
But needed to be done, you will see why !

I'm back from my holiday and wish I wasn't I had so much fun and gave me so much Inspiration to write up coming ideas

Much love xx