Dust

Chapter 19

Tim POV: Faith sits down in my home-studio, seeming to be more than tense. I don't know what happened out with Kris, but I plan to figure it out. I've never seen her this tense before...

I look at the track list for the new album, suddenly regretting bringing Faith back here. All of these songs are either about after her, or during our marriage, in the bad parts. I decide to just hand her the list and let her pick. I can't imagine me picking out the right one.

"Diamond Rings and Old Barstools?" She says. Of course she would pick the one most likely to be about her. I bite my lip in an attempt not to smile from embarrassment as I cue the track to play.

"Diamond rings and old barstools, One's for queens and one's for fools, One's the future and one's the past. One's forever and one won't last. It ain't like midnight cigarette smoke, It ain't like watered down whiskey and coke. I guess some things just don't mix like you hoped, Like me and you, And diamond rings and old barstools.

The wrongs and rights, the highs and lows, The "I love you's," the "I told you so's" Past few miles to wherever's home, Another morning waking up alone. It ain't like midnight cigarette smoke, It ain't like watered down whiskey and coke. I guess some things just don't mix like you hoped, Like me and you, And diamond rings and old barstools.

We ain't like midnight and cigarette smoke, Nothing like watered down whiskey and coke. I guess some things just don't mix like you hoped, Like me and you... And diamond rings and old barstools"

The song plays all the way through, leaving us staring at each other in silence for a few moments. Faith begins to break down into tears, finally ending the quiet.

"I hurt you..." She says, covering her eyes as she begins to weep. I get down on my knees in front of her, pulling her hands away. I hold them tightly, trying to reassure her that I'm fine now.

"It's okay, honey." I say, and out of reflex, I kiss her hands. I feel her freeze for a moment, causing me to want to repeal the motion. She looks down at me for a moment, trying to decide her move. We should go back out... We shouldn't stay in here by ourselves.

"I think I'm going to go get a shower..." She says, standing up and walking out. I nod slowly until I hear the door shut behind her.

"Goddamnit!" I scream, kicking the chair she had been sitting on. I need to tell myself to stop. Whatever was between her and I is nonexistent now. She's a drunk, she hurt me, she hurt the girls, she destroys things... Remember that.

I walk out into the kitchen to see Kristen fixing to go out again.

"Hey! We forgot to go to the grocery store so I gotta run real quick. Need anything?" She asks, grabbing her bag. I shake my head and watch as she heads out the door. The second the door clicks, I look at the clock.

 1:26... I have two hours before the girls get home... I then look up the stairs, and feel like punching myself for the thoughts going through my head right now.

I run upstairs and into Faith's room. I hear the shower running, knowing the old me would go join her... Maybe the new me would too.

I open the bathroom door quietly, hearing her hum along to whatever song is playing in her head. I feel myself go into autopilot, not allowing myself to even think about Kristen and the girls. All I can think about is Faith...

I open the shower door, to have Faith only look at me. She doesn't jump, to my surprise. Instead, she tries to fight a bit of a smile, as I stand completely naked, fighting my body on whether I want to join her.

"Everything okay?" She asks. Her voice overrides any commonsense left in me.

I kiss her... Unlike any kiss we've every had before. She's in my arms, closer than I've ever held her before. I can't let her go...

She tries to pull away to say something, but I kiss her again. I can't really wrap my head around how this feels...

I let her go, but she doesn't run from me, like I feared she would. Instead, she runs her fingers through my hair, and stares at me for a moment.

"We shouldn't be doing this." She says, looking down at my chest. She turns around and turns off the shower, making me want to plead for her to stay. She gets out and wraps a towel around her, and begins to brush her hair, leaving me standing in the shower stall, staring at her. She looks at me in the mirror and takes a deep breath. "You're married." She says. "Not only are you married, but you're practically married to a saint..." She looks down at herself, almost in an attempt to make her look small.

I finally step out of the shower and begin to kiss her neck. She grabs onto the counter as she tries to voice reason again.

"Tim, I'm not going to do this with your wife downstairs." She says, trying to catch her breath.

"She's out." I say, as she turns to face me. I begin to kiss her again. This time, she doesn't try to stop me.

Faith's head is laying on my chest as we try to figure out what we want to do. Her fingers keep tracing circles on my chest, making me feel much more calm.

"Come on tour with me." I spit out. Faith immediately begins to laugh.

"Kristen will be there too." She says, looking up at me.

"She's staying here with the kids and for work." I inform her. She bites her lip and looks at her hand for a minute.

"I can't..." She starts.

"Why?" I ask. She sits for a moment, trying to figure out an excuse.

"It's just going to be too much for me to deal with at once." She finally says, in truth. I look up at the ceiling and try to figure out a way this could work.

"I need you..." I say quietly. She looks back up at me, and places her finger on my jaw.

"Why?" She asks. The question seems ridiculous, but it's still hard to find the right words to answer it.

"Because you..." I stop for a second. "You control me... My world is determined by the look in your eyes... I can't just go without you." I look into her eyes to see her in a slight state of awe.

"I need to see Mark." She suddenly breaks off, putting on her clothes. The sudden shift causes me to be thrown off.

"Why do you need to see Mark?" I ask, following her lead. Like I said, she controls me.

"Because I don't know everything yet. I've only had two dreams, which means I only remember two things that have happened in the last ten years. Who knows what I've done to you, but I don't want to hurt you again... So I'll either have to learn from my mistakes, or leave you alone." She says, seeming frantic. I want to scream that that was not my point at all. She can't leave...

"Okay, I'll drive you." I say, as we head downstairs. She shakes her head.

"I've got to go by myself this time."