The Stars Above Us

-•𝐂hapter 𝐓wenty 𝐓hree•-

I was trying too hard to impress her but nothing was working.

Flowers.

Cookies.

Nothing was working so I had messaged Ryan to help me. But that motherfucker was busy somewhere and hadn't replied for five hours. He never does that. So I thought to do something by myself. I paced my living room thinking what I could do.

Handwritten letters.

Yes. I got the idea. But now how can I write something and express how lonely my life was without her. I had a paper and pen in front of me but my mind was blank. I didn't know what to write. How to write. I began;

My dear Lilian!

You don't know how much I miss you...

What the hell Ian this is so lame. I tore the paper and threw it away in the room before taking another paper and doing it once again. This time too it didn't suit well and I had to tear the paper and throw it away. This happened again for the third time but I didn't know what to write. I was short of words. I didn't know how to express myself. I stood up taking the papers and pen with me to the balcony of my hotel room.

It was cold but today the sun was good and it wasn't too cold. Maybe I could think a little here and get some idea. But that idea didn't come. I wrote and tore many more pages not getting what I wanted. I didn't want my letter to be filled with meaningless words. It needed to be worth it. It should explain my emotions.

The moon was out by the time I was done with dinner and sat on the balcony thinking what to write. But then I made a decision. I let my heart make the decision. That thing had been trapped for so long that I forgot it existed and had an important role in making life decisions. I held the pen and for the first time in so long I allowed my heart out of the cage I had made around it and began;

At the moment I am sitting under the moon and have my eyes closed. And you know what the only person I can think about is you. You may be sitting in your room sipping dark chocolate or maybe coffee and thinking about God knows what but I am thinking about you.

I am thinking about the light you can bring in anyone's life. I am thinking about the rainbows that rise wherever you go. You spread sunshine throughout the darkness. The moment you walked down the aisle in that whote dress with a white veil I thought I made a decision. But deep in my heart was a flame burning for you. I didn't realize the flame because I had trapped my heart. Lilian for the first time I allowed my heart to take control and it cried for you.

That day when you walked out of my house I had never felt so empty before. Like I had lost all the light, the hope, the beauty, the meaning, the goal of my life. You took away my breaths along with you. I had given you a million reasons to hate me. To say fuck off Ian Henderson but Lilian Jenkins I want to give you a billion reasons to love me. I want you to give me a chance. I want you to allow me to show emotions that I had trapped inside me for so long that they can't stay there anymore.

Will you please allow me to show you I can express myself.

I was satisfied with what I had written. This must not have been the best letter written in the history of love stories but I had allowed my heart to write whatever it was feeling. And it poured out all the emotions it can at the moment. I tucked the paper neatly in an envelope and put it in the drawer of my closet waiting for tomorrow to deliver it. I made myself a cup of coffee and sat in the lounge reading her blog posts.

Yes I had started to read her blogs. These were so good that I wondered many times why people never read these. Why she didn't have all those views, votes, comments and crazy fans as she deserves. Okay I admit I am being biased and these need a lot of grooming but you can't deny she pours her heart into these blogs. I can see her expressing herself so freely so beautifully. And I wondered how can it be so easy for her to express herself. That one letter. One letter took away all the energy I had left after showing emotions but that girl had been writing these posts for more than a month anf you could see her heart poured over the text.