Understand. (Frerard.)

I've Given Up

A/N: So, if I plan correctly this book is gonna end in like, 5 chapters. And don't worry. Frerard is coming up. C:

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Frank's POV

  I haven't slept since tour ended-  8 days to be exact. It feels like I'm in a coma of pain and depression. All around me are people happy and smiling and then there's me. A guy trapped in a dizzy mind, loosing all his control, slipping into depression again, much like when he was younger. God, I am so lame. A guy who was lame enough to propose to a girl who ended up cheating on him.

I just have a constant replay of seeing Jessi, the girl I really thought was for me, the one I wanted to spend my entire life with, with that guy. I couldn't control myself that night at all. After I saw them, I exploded. People gathered outside the bus, wondering what the shouting and screaming and fighting was about. Gerard darted o the bus before it all happened and Mikey and Ray came in to pull the guy off me. I got in a fist fight with that dude. He broke my nose, bruised me up a little but I could care less. I was to torn up to care at that moment. I had shoved Jessi out of the bus with her things and demanded her to find her own way home. She was no longer welcome on the bus anymore.

I couldn't go back to Gerard either.. we weren't really friends. After the whole incident on the bus, I think he was still too scared to talk to me about it. He was scared by the constant fear of me rejecting him again. The thing is, I really do want to talk to him, sort things out, be Starbucks pals again. I don't think what I did can be mended though. He was literally broken for the stupid stuff I managed to do on tour and I felt devastated about it all. I broke Gerard's trust over some stupid girl I have grown to hate the last 8 days.

Alcohol kind of replaced who I was missing in my life right now. Gerard, Jessi, hell- even the neglect from my mom. She hasn't visited me for a long, long time. I looked at the amber liquid in the glass bottle and took a swig and winced and it went down. You would think someone who has been drinking for the last eight days would be able to take a swig without a wince or a cringe. I had went through at least five bottles of alcohol within the time frame of eight days and each bottle I finished, the more depressed and useless I felt.

Just then, my phone rang. Something I was wishing to happen since I got home. None of the guys dared to talk to me, probably scared I was going to blow up on them. I guess an angry Frank isn't the best Frank. I snatched up my phone and looked at the blurry screen, not making out who it was, nor did I care. I just wanted to communicate, to talk with someone. I hit the green answer button and sat on the line, obviously not going to be the one to talk first.

"Hey." Someone said, "It's Gerard. I'm calling to see how you're doing?" He asked in a hush, obviously waiting for me to respond but I just sat there, speechless or no good reason.

"I- uh- Frank?" I mustered to get out, hoping in my mind that it was an intelligent response to Gerard's questioning. "I'm, I'm not doing so-" I blanked out, "I'm not doing so hot Gerard. I've smoked a lot and drank so much and I think painkillers-"

"Frank. Frank, it's okay. It's fine." I swallowed at his voice and began to sob, letting everything go that I had been holding in. "Do- do you want me to come over? I can help you clean and take care of you. You don't deserve going through this on your own. Frank- I'm coming over. No ifs, ands, or buts. I'll be over soon, okay?"