Understand. (Frerard.)

I'm Not Okay.

A/N: I am so sorry for the late update but a lot has been going on lately. I will try to update tomorrow but one of my cats passed away today and I'm really upset about it. My cats are like family to me. Anyways, my emotions may or may not show in this chapter. and the length may not be the best. Enjoy.

----

Gerard's POV-

Once that came out of my mouth and I saw Frank's reaction, I couldn't handle it. He looked so disgusted in me, like I knew he would. He shrank back and I ran to the bathroom. I reached in my pocket to get a cigarette and then remembered what happened to them.

Damn it.

I got in and locked the door, rushing to the toilet. My stomach clenched and I suddenly felt uneasy and nauseous.

I grabbed my stomach and released the contents into the toilet, which was not a lot at all. So, I dry heave a couple times.

I'm really disgusted in myself.

I knew Frank had a fucking girlfriend. And he obviously loves her. For all I know, he could hate the idea of us together.

I lay down on the cold floor and rest my cheek on it. I don't care that it is the bathroom floor. It's cold and will make this growing headache go away.

Oh, and since we're talking about all my problems right now, let's talk about the growing headache I have.

It feels like I'm getting stabbed and rocks thrown at my head. My whole face is numb as fuck, and I feel as sick as a dog.

Let's not forget how bad I'm shaking.

And fuck the anxiety medication I take. It doesn't work.

I cursed at myself. Why can't I just get over my anxiety? I hate having to take medication. It's stupid and makes me feel bad about myself.

My mind then drifts to the situation I'm in right now. Frank hates me. And we're supposed to be friends. I remember that dumb pact we made. If neither of us were married by the time he was 30, we'd marry eachother. And by time that came around Frank was dating someone.

Only if he wouldn't have, we wouldn't be having trouble right now. We'd be married.

I let out a frustrated sigh and hit my head which did not help my pounding headache.

The door then erupted in knocks. I wasn't sure who it was. I didn't care, at all.

"Gerard open the door, now." Mikey.

"Gerard, I'll kick it down!" Ray.

"Why is he even in there?" Jessica.

"Problems." Frank.

The knocking stopped for a minute and then I heard the door knob turn.

We had a key for the bathroom?

Mikey came in, Ray next.

"Up." Mikey ordered.

"But the floor is soooo comfy." I said, sarcasticly.

"Get up." Ray said, offering me a hand.

I took it and he helped me up.

Mikey looked at me.. almost as if he were disappointed in me.

I let out a strained and tired sigh and walked to the kitchen. I needed a cup of coffee and wanted a cup of coffee. 

Coffee was always there for me.

Upset? Take a walk to Starbucks, blasting whatever music comes on your phone to get coffee.

Great mood? Dance around the house drinking coffee.

Tired? Coffee is a great way to wake someone up.

Bored? Coffee is a friend.

See, coffee is always the solution.

I start making the coffee and I get poked on the shoulder.

"Hmm?" I say, turning around.

There stood Frank.

"Uh," he rubs the back of his neck. "Can we talk, about.. y'know?" He says, clearing his throat. "I, uh, wanted ti tell you something and Jessi is taking a shower." He still looked pretty pissed off.

"Yeah, sure, hold on." I say, starting the coffee. "Uh, sit down, I guess?" I said as I sat down unsure. He followed suite.

"Look Gerard... I don't love you, like you love me. I, uh, I like you as a friend and I love Jessi as someone I love." He said, clearing his throat. "I know that we have had our past, but I don't like you like I used to." I just nodded. "And it kinda pissed me off because I knew you knew that. You knew I was in love with Jessi but you just went along and told me something that pissed me off. I want you to understand I love Jessi, okay? Don't ruin it." Frank said.

"Okay..." he said, nodding silently. "Okay.. I won't. I'm okay about this, trust me. I'm sorry." I said.

But I wasn't okay with this. I promise I wasn't.

Now, I can finally move on.

I don't need Frank.

------

Read, Vote, Comment. Bad chapter.. I know.