Quest for the Eighty-Eight Keys

Chapter Fifty: This Shouldn't Ruin Your Life, Princess

WARNING: SELF-DEGRADATION, SURVIVOR'S GUILT, AND MENTIONS OF TORTURE AND CHARACTER DEATH!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Lucy closed and locked the bathroom door behind her and stepped toward the sink. She stared into the mirror as she leaned against the sink, her hands planted firmly on top of the countertop. How long had it been since she last actually looked into a mirror, or at all? She couldn't remember.

Now that she was doing exactly that, she couldn't help but hate what she was seeing. Did she always look this tired? This worn out? There were bags under her eyes. Sure, they were faint, but they were still there. She could still see them. Her eyes held a look of exhaustion in them, probably from lack of sleep due to nightmares and random bouts of insomnia. She raised a hand to rub her face, feeling that her skin was dry and there were wrinkles forming at the corners of her eyes. On her forehead, acne was beginning to form and her lips were dry. She ran her hand through her blonde hair, feeling with her bare palm how the greasiness of it due to not having time to wash it thoroughly. Her eyes widened upon finding a few grey hairs.

Is this what stress does to a person? Lucy questioned herself. She sighed and hung her head. She didn't like what this mission was doing to her, and she was now wishing that she hadn't looked into the mirror. She heaved a sigh. Did the others take notice? What were they thinking? Was the same thing happening to them? When did she take the time to ask how they were doing? She knew that she had asked Rufus how he was doing at Rose Well Cave, but she was asking how he was doing in regard to Sorano's and Yukino's deaths. She hadn't asked him how he was doing overall. She had asked any of her friends that question,

Lucy sighed again, tears burning her eyes. She quickly raised her hand to wipe them away, only for more to follow. What kind of friend was she? She hadn't asked Midnight, Freed, or Rufus how they were doing, how they were really doing.

She raised her head and looked into the mirror again. Her eyes went to the shirt that she was wearing, and then to her jeans. When was the last time she wore her normal clothes? The kind that shows off her body. How long had it been since she felt comfortable enough to do that again? When was the last time she actually looked at her body?

She sucked in a breath and held it. With shaking hands, she slipped off her shirt. She laid the shirt on the counter and stared at herself through the mirror. Her hand clamped over her mouth and tears began slipping down her face.

Her chest was covered with burn marks, a burning hot knife having been pressed there multiple times. Her left side was scarred with the strikes of a blade and her stomach was marked by the crack of a whip. Starting at the bottom of her right breast and running down to dip into her jeans was a long, raised scar that was caused by a knife. She didn't need to take off her jeans or shoes to see that her legs were marred with burn and whipping scars and the bottoms of her feet were marked by the repeated strikes of a blunt object, hitting the delicate skin until it broke and bled.

Lucy fell to her knees and leaned forward, her hands pressed against the cabinets of the counter. Her bandaged fingers scrapped the wood, a dull pain shooting down them due to her fingernails not being fully grown out just yet. Tears rolled down her face in rapid succession and her breathing was heavy.

A sob escaped her and she moved her arms to wrap around herself in a hug that offered no comfort. She was pathetic, wasn't she? What kind of friend was she? What kind of wizard of Fairy Tail was she?

She couldn't save Hisui, Sorano, or Yukino. Her friends. She couldn't find a way to save them. And now, they were dead. Why? Why did they have to die? Why was she too weak to find a way to save them? Why was she the one who survived? What did she do to deserve to live, but not her friends? Why couldn't she have died instead?