Psycho Love

22

"Zander!" I scream as I wake up from sleep. My body is shaking, and my hair is sticking to my sweaty skin. I throw the sheets off me, feeling like the weight of is suffocating me.

"When will these nightmares end?" I mutter under my breath. After Trey's confession about the scar on his head, I kept dreaming about when Zander had a car accident just a few months before he was killed. I was terrified. I dreamt of the doctors standing in front of Zander's parents and telling them that he was lucky to survive a crash like that, and even luckier to walk away with only a broken arm, concussion and some lacerations to the face. I dreamt of how I sunk to the floor, sobbing in relief. When the ambulance had taken him away, he had blood all over him and he was unconscious; I thought he was dead. The relief I felt was like incredible; finally, I could breathe again. Later on, we found out that his breaks had been cut. The dream then changed to Zander standing in front of me, with a gunshot wound in his leg, telling me that he would always love me and that none of it was my fault.

What a big fat lie. Of course, it was my fault; their deaths will always be my fault. If I had said something, if I had chosen then maybe at least one of them would have been alive. If I hadn't been in their lives then they would be alive right now, they would be able to love, laugh. Live.

I get up from my bed and walk over to the bathroom in my bra and underwear and look at my scarred body. It is covered in bruises from my fight with Trinity yesterday and the training session with Caden. Turning away from the mirror, I walk over to the dresser where my clothes are now neatly put into the draws. I am about to grab out some clothes when the door flies open. Caden.

"Princess! You ready for another-" Caden's voice dies in his throat.

"What the hell are you doing? Get out!" I exclaim, trying to cover up my body so he can't see. He stops dead in his tracks, mouth open like he was about to say something. His eyes go dark as they scan my half naked body. I wait for him to say something, but when he doesn't, I turn around and quickly try to grab out some clothes.

"What the fuck is that?" Caden's voice comes out rough and angry.

Fuck! I forgot about my back. It is covered in scars from where I was whipped. FUCK! FUCK! FUCK! I need to get this shirt on, fast! I hurriedly try to pull my shirt to cover my back, but before I can he grabs my arms and spins me around. "I asked you what happened, Ember?"

"Oh, the bruises?" I ask dumbly, "They are just from my rummage with Trinity yesterday, not to mention our training session. It's fine, they'll heal in no time." I continue to try and pull my shirt down over my back, but he holds the shirt and gestures to my scars. "Don't play dumb, Ember. Why are you covered in scars?"

I look away from him, unable to hold eye contact with him anymore as shame and disgust fill my body. "I told you that I was tortured. Did you really think I wouldn't have a few scars?" I spit the question out. No one was meant to see them. I had kept them hidden for so long and now just because this idiot doesn't knock my secret is out. I can't handle being looked at like a wounded bird. Not again.

"That fucking bastard! I am going to kill him." Caden mutters angrily under his breath. His reaction takes me completely by surprise and I look back him to see that his eyes aren't filled with pity but with rage. He looks absolutely terrifying, but I don't feel scared of him, instead an overwhelming feeling of gratitude washes over me and I can't help but smile. He didn't look at me like I was broken, didn't look at me like I was pathetic or disgusting, even though that is what I see when I look in the mirror. His expression changes, his eyes asking a silent question. I answer him by lifting the shirt to show him the scars that are scattered over my body.

He reaches out and gently runs his fingers along the scars on my back, causing me to flinch but he doesn't move his fingers away, "How did you get these ones?"