A game of hearts || Chishiya Shuntaro

Chapter 11: the fight||

Song: Change(in the house of flies)-deftones

Visa days: 18

We're walking back to the apartment in silence before Yasu asks a question. "Why are you mad at me?" he asks. I look up at him in confusion. Why I'm mad at him? "I can feel that you're mad at me, why? Have I done anything?" He continues.

"If you've done something? Of course you've done something!" I snap at him. He stops and looks at me. "What?" He asks truly not understanding. "You murdered five innocent people!" I shout. "I did it for you" he answers calmly.

"For me? When have you ever done anything for me?" I yell. We're standing in a tight alley and our voices echo between the walls.

"Here in the borderlands you either have to kill or get killed. Especially if you want to get your loved ones out! You have to understand that!" Yasu yells back at me. I get a bit taken aback by his anger. I've never seen him this angry before. I've never seen him like this before. He has changed and definitely not to the better.

"Or you can work together! I already knew the solution! Why can't we cooperate like we did when we were younger!" I shout back. Suddenly Yasu comes at me. He pushes me against the wall with his forearm pushing against my throat.

"We have never been cooperating! I've always done everything! Without me we would've both been dead by now! I've always been doing all the work" He screams in my face. I get shocked by his words, cause they are certainly not true. I've been the one working while he only made a huge mess.

"You've never been the one working! You've only made a huge mess! You are the one that gave us all our problems!" I scream back.

"I'm the one giving us problems?" He asks angrily. "Yes! You!" I shout back. "You almost made us get killed in the game! I saved us!" He yells back. "I didn't almost get us killed! I knew the solution because I think through things contrary to you!" I answer loudly.

"Don't act like you're so fucking smart! Cause you're not! You're only a pathetic, little girl who needs me to survive!" Yasu yells. I feel the anger boiling inside me. What's going on with him? The old Yasu would never say stuff like this.

"Oh, so how did I survive multiple games before I met you?" I ask with annoyance in my voice. "Just fucking luck!" He yells back. I stare at him with wide eyes. He glares back at me with angry eyes. Who is he? I can't recognize him anymore. He was nothing like this before the borderlands.

I can feel the tears burning in my eyes, but I can't show weakness now. I can't make him think he's right about me being pathetic. I can never show him or anyone else that I'm weak. If my own brother finds me pathetic, everyone else will think so as well.

"I'm sorry, Sayako" Yasu suddenly says with an innocent voice. He has become such a manipulator. "Fuck this" I sigh and push him off me when he has loosen up the grip.

"You can't just walk away! You have to forgive me. Tomorrow we'll play another game and it will go as well as this game went". I hate the way he just decides that I'll play tomorrow. I don't fucking want to play tomorrow. "What if I don't want to play tomorrow?" I ask him.

"I'll let it slide tomorrow, but if it happens again I'll remind you that I'm the one in control of the weapons" he says with a low and threatening voice. My stomach drops at his words and I feel terrified.

Terrified of my own brother.

The rest of the walk, I walk in front and Yasu follows a few feet behind. I can hear him mumbling to himself, but I can't hear what he's saying.

When we get to the apartment I quickly lock up the door and head straight for my room. I rush inside and lock the door behind me. I usually don't lock my door at night, but I can't trust Yasu anymore.

Yasu's behavior hurts me. It hurts finding out that the monsters under your bed or the ones in movies isn't the scariest ones. The ones that hide among and in your loved ones is.

I lay down in bed. I'm stilling wearing my bloody clothes, but I don't care. When I'm hidden in my bedsheets, I let a few tears fall. Yasu is the only one that has ever seen my hearts and my true emotions and he's the reason no one will ever see it again.

༻♥︎༺

My nightmares is haunted by the young girls dead body or dying face. Yasu also shows up in my dreams, but not the nice, brother Yasu, but the scary murder Yasu.

I can feel the traces of tears on my face. I try dry them away with the sleeve on my sweater. I stand up and look at myself in the mirror. I look like a mess. Bloody clothes, messy hair, crying marks. I need to take a shower.

I find some clean clothes and head to the bathroom. I didn't see Yasu on the way. I lock the door behind me and I can't wait to jump in the shower. Even though it's cold water it'll still be nice.

I jump straight into the shower. The water is washing away everything the dirt, the blood and the sweat, but not the guilt.

After the shower I go to the kitchen. I smell a very familiar smell. Pancakes.

Flashback

"I hate you!" I scream at Yasu. He broke my favorite pair of headphones. He had borrowed them and then he came back with them in a hundred small pieces. "I always let you borrow my stuff!" Yasu yells back.

"You can borrow them, but not break them! I hate you!" I shout before storming of to my room. I lay in my bed crying for hours until I hear a knock on my door. It's Yasu. "Follow me please and close your eyes" he says and takes my hand. I close my eyes and he leads me through the house to the kitchen.

"Open" He says. On the kitchen table a brand new pair of headphones are and pancakes with syrup. From that day we have always made pancakes for each other after a fight.

Everything's just weird. Well, I'm happy he understood that something was wrong, but this wasn't a normal fight like the ones we had when we were nine. This one was different, serious and it definitely won't get better with pancakes.

I stare at him blankly before sitting down at the table. "Morning. You want pancakes?" Yasu asks me. I give him a quick nod. How can he act so normal? I don't get it. I don't get him.

Together we're eating in silence. Yasu tells me that he'll play again today and when I tell him that I won't join he gets mad. That makes the breakfast even more weird. After breakfast I decide to go for a walk.

I get my cassette player and then I head out. My head is full of thoughts about Yasu and how weird he's been acting lately. I feel tears in my eyes. I just miss old Yasu so much. I sit down at a bench and there I sit for a while, crying.

༻♥︎༺

I guess the walk was longer than intended cause when I get back home Yasu already left for the game. Even though Yasu has been weird lately I can't help but wonder if he'll come back home.