MEME BATTLE ROYALE

CHAPTERS 1-3

CHAPTER ONE: SO YOU'RE FINALLY AWAKE

It was an exceptionally beautiful day on Bad Island, which was extremely uncommon. The birds were not only out, but they were singing too. Flowers were blooming, elderly couples were taking their evening stroll, or at least that's what our hero of the story, Fries, assumed. He awoke alone in a place much unlike the one just described, it was a dimly lit cave, one of the dankest he'd ever been in. Scanning his surroundings, he didn't notice much, as there wasn't really much to see. This cave appeared to be composed almost entirely of free Unity engine assets, so it wasn't exactly pretty. Panning his gaze to the left, he noticed a long row of bunk beds. "Wow this is just like an octopus game," he said out loud.
   After very unsubtly pandering to the meme culture, he proceeded to walk out the front door, he then noticed that this cave had a front door. Stepping out into the stunning, but disappointingly flat terrain, he heard a voice over the comically large intercom affixed to a metal pole just 30 feet in front of him, which he just accepted was a thing:
"Greetings, fellow memes! This is your local corrupt government speaking; You may have noticed you are all enslaved in this death pit of OSHA violations we're calling an arena, now don't you worry, this is GONNA BE A BLAST! Some of you may, and probably will die. But that's a sacrifice we're certainly willing to make for our lovely viewers at home. Now, go kill each other, or something." 
   Upon hearing this, instead of contemplating the dark reality of this dire situation, or taking a moment to assess his vicinity in greater detail, he got to work straight away. Taking out his tacticool pocket knife his father gave to him just before leaving the family, and ran up to the closest pedestrian and stabbed him to death, "Hark! I have taken many fatal stab wounds!!" The man yelled as he laid deceased on the ground. It was a brutal scene, and unnecessarily violent at that. But knowing that the reader probably wouldn't like his character very much if he felt no remorse, he decided to yell out, "WHAT HAVE I DONE?!" Before immediately continuing his genocidal tendencies without looking back. Fries tore through victim after victim, and luckily he didn't have to worry about getting convicted afterwards, as he wasn't wearing any gloves. As the dead memes piled up like a landfill, and his blade starting to become dull, Fries smiled, this was far too easy, far below his high level of skill. Unfortunately though, despite the killstreak he was managing to rack up, the consequences of his own actions began to catch up with him. A human sized, but disproportionately shaped green creature seemed to have been alerted to his extraordinarily loud display of guilt earlier, and subsequent mass murderings. Having only the brain capacity to spontaneously combust, it ran up behind Fries like the creep it was, and did just that, creating an ear-piercing "BOOM." It blew fries across the landscape in a spiraling tumble, landing him in a disgusting pit of sewage. Miraculously, he didn't seem to have taken any fall damage, and got up just fine. But as he gathered his bearings, he noticed something rather concerning, a large obese goblin-like entity staring right at him...
       "WHAT ARE YA DOIN' IN MY SEWAGE?!?" the creature screeched, before swiping at Fries with a large grass colored hand. Fries was just narrowly able to press "X" during the quick time event to dodge it- "IMMA GONNA KILL YOU" he roared back in response to the attack, feeling pretty cool about it. An incredibly epic battle of epic proportions then ensued, a battle which won't be described here due to the amount of sheer epicness that occurred; the human brain probably wouldn't even be able to process it. So we're redacting it for your own safety. Fries landed the totally epic killing blow by sliding through the thick mud past the monster's legs, lodging his tacticool pocket knife that his father gave him, (just before he abandoned the family) right in the ogre's (goblin's) heel. It let out a blood curdling, perfect, satisfyingly cut scream as it toppled over.
     Fries breathed a quick sigh of relief, and he sheathed his pocket knife, which was given to him before his da-da left him for the milk. As he watched the horizon for his next target, he heard someone just a few yards away from his location, and was rapidly approaching him: "Ahoy! I'm getting totally smoked out here, think we could clan up or something?" Fries spun around to notice a generic looking anime protagonist about his height, with striking yellow hair, and attire that had a little bit of every style ever, which was code for the writer not wanting to describe it. Twas' was an odd look, but Fries dug it, as it was very similar to his own. After waiting approximately 43 seconds to increase the awkward tension, he replied, "Um, hi? Aren't we supposed to murder each other viciously though?" Test took a moment to consider this, (yes that's his name, I couldn't find an organic way to mention it) then replied: "I mean, yeah, but that isn't the right thing to do, plus it's much more fun to commit mass genocide in co-op mode!" Fries thought about this, it would be helpful to have a friend, and he could easily betray them later, so he decided to agree. "Well... sure, but first things first, I lodged my only pocket knife in an ogre; a knife gifted to me by my loving father who I think may have died in a car crash on his way to get milk. So basically, I need a weapon." Test smirked, then said "Heh, right this way!" and they both wavedashed into the horizon.