19💌 yearned for it

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My parents were often busy when I was younger. They were rarely ever there. And with no siblings to play with I ended up becoming very quiet and closed in. 

No one would look at me, care for me or pay any attention to me. That's how I felt. That's how I still feel. 

I met Bianca when I was thirteen, we were in middle school then, she was extroverted and loud but not in a speaking sense. No, she had a loud presence. One that immediately drew you to her. 

She was impossible to miss. Impossible to ignore. And it was all effortless. We quickly became friends: her walking up to me. She swept me away and forced me to go at her pace and for a short moment, I enjoyed it. 

I had fun. Until I realized that I wasn't her friend. Just some nobody she liked playing around with. She probably found it amusing, this meek personality of mine.

So I stopped being friends with her. 

Bianca is a very simple person at her core. 

Under her mind games and manipulation she works at an easy system. You're either with her. Or against her. And I was 'against' simply because I left.

So Bianca did what any sane person would do and started bullying me. Ostracizing me from the rest of the class to make sure I wouldn't make any friends. What a great person, I know.

Even now in high school she manages to find a way to hurt me. We're not even in the same class yet she still uses every opportunity she can get to harass me in some way when she's bored.

Thanks to Noah it became a bit more bearable. 

I started crushing on him pretty early on, seeing the way he'd be with people. That ease of getting along. Being able to understand what everyone was saying and keeping up. Being able to follow the conversation, simply just being the conversation. 

He shone. While simultaneously making everyone around him shine too. He had everything I lacked. 

I wanted it too. I yearned for it. And then I yearned for him.

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