Bianca: Man, they look like a real handful. How do you deal with them?
Thing, watching Yoko screaming, Wednesday trying to set a sleeping Eugene on fire, and Enid choking on air: I don't know either
Enid : Stressed.
Eugene: Depressed.
Wednesday : Possessed.
Bianca: Obsessed.
Yoko: Impressed.
Ajax: Chicken breast.
Everyone: ...What?
Ajax: I just wanted to join in.
Wednesday , rubbing their temples: I am not proud of what I am about to say, but someone get me a cigarrette.
Yoko: But Wednesday , we don't smoke.
Wednesday : Cut the crap, Yoko. I'm not an idiot. I know that one in five people smoke.
Wednesday : *points at Eugene* One! *points at Thing* Two! *points at Bianca* Three! *points at Enid * Four! *points at Yoko* Five!
Wednesday : Now, I am going to close my eyes, and when I open them, there better be a cigarrette between these two fingers!
Enid : *puts a cigarrette in Wednesday 's hand*
Wednesday : Thank you. ...Light?
The Squad: *all simultaneously pull out lighters*
Ajax: Make her pussy wet not her eyes.
Thing: Make his dick hard not his life.
Bianca : Break her bed not her heart.
Yoko: Play with her boobs not her feelings.
Enid : Get on his dick not his nerves.
Eugene: Always salt your pasta while boiling it.
Ajax: So, Wednesday is late today. Anyone wanna bet why?
Ajax: I say they slipped through the subway grate and is having terrible sex with the mole man.
Yoko: I don't know about that...I think either their alarm clock didn't go off, or they're in line at the bank.
Enid : Take this more seriously! Wednesday was clearly taken in their sleep!
Bianca: I bet they tucked themselves into the bed too tightly and got stuck.
Eugene: Maybe they fell into another dimension where they're more interesting...?
*Wednesday arrives*
Wednesday : Sorry I'm late - there was a problem at the bank.
Yoko, clapping their hands in excitement: HOT DAMN!
Bianca: Today, Yoko took my phone, and in five minutes, they sent high resolution close-up photos of Thing to the following people: Enid , Wednesday , Ajax, the neighbors, the bank, my accountant, San Diego Blood Bank, and Shake Shack's text bot.
Enid : Throw lamps at people who need to lighten up, and throw handles at someone who needs to get a grip!
Bianca: Throw a refrigerator at someone who needs to chill!
Eugene : Throw scissors at someone who needs to cut it out!
Thing: Throw a clock at someone who needs to get with the times!
Ajax: Throw matches at someone who needs to get fired up!
Wednesday: Throw a brick at someone to kill them
Ajax: Nothing in life is free.
Thing: Love is free.
Bianca: Knowledge is free.
Yoko: Friendship is free.
Ajax : Self-respect is free.
Enid : Everything's free if you don't pay for it.
The Squad: ...
Bianca: Enid , that's illegal-
Wednesday: No, let them finish!
Wednesday : I put the pun in punishment.
Ajax: I put the top in unstoppable.
Eugene: I put the cute in execute.
Thing: I put the sexy in dyslexia.
Bianca: I put the ass in class.
Enid : I put the D in Wednesday .
Bianca: Christmas lights?
Ajax: Check.
Thing: Thermos of hot cocoa?
Ajax: Check.
Yoko : Santa suits?
Ajax: Check.
Enid : Shovel?
Ajax: Check.
Wednesday: Alibi and bail money?
Ajax: Check- wait, WHAT?!
Thing: She was poetry, but he couldn't read.
Eugene: His name was Jared he's 19.
Bianca: When his parents built a very strange machine.
Enid , singing: Watch that scene, digging the dancing queen.
Yoko, singing: Eyyyy, Macarena!
Ajax: Horrible job everyone.
*Squad reactions to being told 'I love you'*
Ajax: Thanks fam!
Bianca: Oh no.
Yoko: *cries* I love you too.
Eugene: Sounds fake, but okay.
Enid : *A flustered mess*
Wednesday : Can I get a refund?
Bianca: If you got arrested what would be the charges?
Thing: Theft.
Ajax: Disturbing the peace.
Eugene: Aggravated assault.
Yoko: Arson.
Wednesday : All of the above. In that order, probably.
*The Squad with cigarettes*
Ajax: I smoke regularly.
Wednesday : I smoke sparingly.
Bianca: I smoked once, but I didn't care for it.
Yoko: I've never smoked, but the idea intrigues me.
Enid: I've never smoked, and I refuse to do so.
Eugene: What's a cigarette?
Wednesday : We're kind of missing something guys.
Thing: Cohesion?
Bianca: Teamwork?
Eugene: A general sense of what we're doing?
Enid : And Ajax is not here.
Thing: Oh, and that, yeah.
*The Squad is playing Chess*
Wednesday: *easily beats everyone because they know how to play*
Enid : *doesn't know the rules, but wins anyway*
Eugene: *doesn't know the rules, and loses*
Ajax: *knows the rules, but still loses to those who don't*
Yoko : Actually, you can't do that, because I said so.
Bianca: They named a board game after cheese?
Bianca: Who else is hiding in the laundry room trying to listen to Ajax and Thing's convo?
Eugene: Me. I'm in the laundry basket.
Yoko: I'm in the washing machine.
Enid : I'm in the closet.
Eugene: We accept you Enid . <3
Enid : No I'm literally in the closet.
Eugene: Love is love. <3
Ajax: *dies*
Enid : Timer starts now! When are they coming back? I say two months!
Wednesday : Bullshit. One month.
Thing: Nah, half a month.
Eugene, sobbing: WHAT ARE YOU DOING? AJAX JUST DIED! Bianca, scratching chin in thought: One week.
Wednesday : Doctor = $140,000 a year, Furry artist on patreon = $160,000 a year.
Eugene: I think you're lowballing the furry art amount tbh.
Wednesday : Sorry for the inaccuracies Doctor Yiff.
Eugene: No matter how I respond I don't look well, well played. I walked into that.
Thing: Well, furry artists are typically more competent and courteous than your average doctor, so I can see that.
Wednesday : Did you legitimately just tell me that a person who draws wolf ass is more competent than a dude who spent 8+ years in an university to give you a lung transplant?
Enid : Doctors are bullshit and furry artists perform an infinitely more valuable service to society compared to them.
Wednesday : You will die in 7 days.
Bianca: It took doctors 10 years to diagnose what was wrong with me, some insisting I was faking it for attention while a furry artist I knew said "Sounds like Crohn's" after hearing me complain once and ended up being right.
Bianca: Besides I can't go to a doctor and ask them to draw Rouge the Bat wider than she is tall with tits to match, now can I?
Enid : You could if you weren't a fucking coward.
Ajax: This was like 50 consecutive punches to the face, what the fuck went on here.
Eugene: What if the person who named Walkie Talkies named everything?
Eugene: Pregnancy tests are Maybe Babies.
Yoko: Socks are Feetie Heaties.
Thing: Defibrillators are Heartie Starties.
Enid: Nightmares are Dreamy Screamies.
Ajax: Stamps are Lickie Stickies.
Bianca : I hate you guys so much.
A/N hope ya'll enjoy. These are so fun to read istg
