My lifesaver

3: Ella

I am still wondering why that boy was looking at me. On the train on my way home, I have already looked multiple times in my camera to see if there was anything wrong but I can't seem to find anything. I am almost home a few stops to go and I'm there. I can't wait to tell my parents everything about today. It was a little adventure but I enjoyed it very much. I will come back there every week after my appointments, maybe even in between to study. It isn't so far from home so it is definitely possible.

I have been home for a few hours, I told my parents everything about today. And now I'm trying to study. I am so tired I don't want to anymore but my exams are coming soon and I don't want to fail. When I fail I get that stupid voice in my head that says that I need to punish myself for what I did wrong. I am happy to have therapy right now cause it is important to do something about it. I don't want to have another relapse into self harm.

It was hard when my parents discovered that I self harmed. I was crying so hard and I couldn't stop it. But lucky enough they tried their best to understand me and find a way to help me that makes us both happy. I was so afraid that they would come up with help that meant I never could be alone and they were always with me to make sure I didn't do anything. But that didn't happen and I can still spend time in my room on my own. 

I love it alone in my room. You don't have to think about anyone and what they think about you. I can just be myself and do the things I love to do. I love to draw, play guitar and read. Also I'm crocheting my own clothes. It is so peaceful to be alone with music and do your thing. Anyways I'm going to sleep now. Tomorrow I have a long day at school.