𝐇𝐎𝐍𝐄𝐘𝐁𝐄𝐄, destiel

chapter one: old memories

there was a brunet boy in the flower field. bright green eyes that were always shining, a big and honest smile that filled your heart with warmth and hope, and a loud voice that invited you to join the most eccentric adventures. there was a brunet boy in the flower field, visibly giggling as he ran around the place, stealing his attention from across the street, making his bedroom's view just a little more interesting.

ever since the very first time cas stood in front of that window, curious blue eyes were fixed on the boy that played between the flowers right in front of his new house. they were fixed on him then, from that moment, and on.

he stared, and watched, following his movements and wondering what he could be thinking about. and he kept staring, and watching, following movements and wondering, as years passed and the boy next door couldn't be called a boy anymore.

and the flower field wasn't really a field, but just a park with colored plants, yet everything always seemed bigger and more exciting when looked through the eyes of a kid. and the brunet boy added new colors to his view with every smile and laugh. he wasn't a kid anymore, though. the park was just a park, an old memory of a place that he couldn't call home anymore.

"cas." a knock on his open door and his mother's voice took him out of his thoughts, forcing his eyes to glance at the door frame. "dinner will be ready in fifteen minutes." cas hummed at her words, nodding a couple of times and mumbling a quiet okay in response. the woman smiled at him, nodding as well.

"it's nice to have you back, honey." his lips curved up slightly as he nodded one more time, watching as his mom walked out before his eyes focused on the window again.

he looked through it for a couple more minutes, staring at the empty park, almost as if expecting something to change. in a way, he felt, he had been expecting something to change for a long time, then finally walked away to join his parents downstairs.

it was weird to be back. after four breaks in a row finding excuses to stay on campus, the walls he once helped to paint felt too unfamiliar. he was supposed to visit more, he was supposed to come back often enough to fulfill promises made years ago, right after parting ways. but he wasn't the first to break them, and keeping them alone became too hard at some point.

he couldn't be blamed. he was never the strong one and he tried to be for too damn long. dinner was dinner, and after a long and relaxing shower, cas found himself lying on his old bed, staring at his ceiling with an odd sense of uneasiness pooling in his abdomen.

the sensation wasn't new, he had felt it before in that same bedroom, many years ago, during his first few nights there. but that only made him more uneasy, to realize he was experiencing that again after spending so many years turning that room into his safe space.

he still remembered those first few weeks after moving, everything feeling too new and strange and like too much to handle. the nervous tingling feeling in his stomach was a common thing back then. the fear of the unknown, the mourning of everything he left behind. he still remembered what made him stop being anxious, what took the sensation away and replaced it with excitement.

he was ten when he first stood in that bedroom. looking through the window was one of the first things he did, and seeing a kid seemingly around his same age playing in the park in front of his house made him feel equally relieved and more nervous. he watched for a couple minutes, ignoring the unpacked boxes behind him until a hand on his shoulder broke his focus and forced him to look at the person standing next to him.

"you can go say hi if you want." his mom's voice was soft, sweet, and understanding. she always understood, in many ways and levels.

"but my things–"