cas had just turned eighteen when he began to think about the future. just one semester left before graduation, the prospect of endings and what was to come felt more real with every passing second. making plans, choosing paths, and taking decisions. they weren't children anymore, and the last remains of their childhood were quickly running out.
he wasn't ready to say goodbyes, and neither were his friends, so he made sure to stay glued to dean and sammy more than ever, and they tried to use every chance they got to spend time together.
they would have to be apart soon, whether they liked it or not, but it didn't have to be the end of their friendship. they would make every second count, have as much fun as they could, make as many memories to hold onto, and they would find a way to be just as close even with kilometers in between them. they were determined to make it work.
afternoons became mandatory hanging out time, the weekends weren't for their family but for more adventures as well. and sometimes, once the day was over and they were meant to go to their respective homes, dean would sneak into his house later that day and stay the night.
sharing his bed didn't feel as scary, but it still made his heart crave just the same. things were odd between them, but not necessarily in a bad way. they were odd because he didn't fully understand it, their interactions were too contradictory sometimes to read the scene. they were friends, but no other friendship ever felt like theirs. they kept stumbling between the lines of everything and nothing.
it was odd, like a constant back and forth. dean was popular, he was good looking, and in the past few months, cas had seen him date more people than ever before. but it never lasted long, it was always temporary, and in the few weeks he was single their physical contact increased like the boy needed his touch to be grounded.
until he dated again, and he wouldn't spend as much time in his room anymore. it was cyclical. cas preferred it that way, too. guilt would be too much if they slept pressed together even if for the brunet it wasn't inherently romantic.
he understood his feelings well enough, he knew he was in love. he was already being deceiving by not admitting it on a normal day, and still accepting the boy's affection. the idea of doing the same while dean loved someone else felt wrong. just like dating april, it didn't sit right with him.
it was just hugs, closeness, and gentle pets. it never went far enough to touch lips or do anything they weren't supposed to do. it was just physical affection, as simple as that. but to him, it meant too much.
yet still, whenever his friend came to him, needing proximity that felt too intimate without being so, he welcomed him with open arms. and the rest of the time, he simply watched from afar. he saw him laugh, he saw him love, and he supported him like a best friend would.
dean wasn't his, and he was okay with it. a part of him still had hope, though. that was probably his biggest mistake, he set himself up for heartbreak.
cas stared at the brunet across the room, watching him laugh at whatever the girl next to him said. the same girl he saw in his car, a few days ago.
how lame, how after years of seeing the same, he still felt the same kind of yearning. how lame, how he was still pining over his first love. how lame, that he was only able to pretend he moved on when he was far away.
"you okay?" april's voice took him out of his thoughts, looking at her for a second before nodding. "your mom wanted to say hi," she mumbled next, pointing with her head to where dean stood.cas scoffed, looking painted. "of course, she wants to."
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𝐇𝐎𝐍𝐄𝐘𝐁𝐄𝐄, destiel
Fanfiction𝐈𝐍 𝐖𝐇𝐈𝐂𝐇, cas is back at his parent's house for a wedding, and despite his best attempts to move on, seeing his childhood best friend dean forces him to revisit feelings that he has been trying to leave behind.
