The City of Seoul || Bang Chan ✓

✧.* Chapter 29 *.✧

The capital of South Korea remained covered in snow weeks later, dimming the city's colors.

For both the Idols and Danbi, the second half of December meant overflowing schedules daily. They had meetings and briefings back to back, sprinting to rehearsals and attending shows later in the evening. Twenty-four hours went by in a blink.

The end of the year always brought both excitement and exhaustion.

For Danbi, it meant an overwhelming need to host, film, and edit the themed content, stretching her days into long hours at her company's studio and late nights on her couch. It was stressful but a welcomed distraction from the deep ache in her heart. Being awake and busy most hours of the day meant fewer nightmares and tearful waking-ups.

Yet still, the quiet moments after waking up and getting herself ready, driving through the glistening streets, watching joyful people at red lights, and settling into bed in the early morning hours were enough to remind her of her losses. 

"Don't stay too long, Bi," Sohee called out, her voice filled with a gentle concern as she watched Danbi work. Sohee always made sure the younger woman remembered to eat and sleep, nudging her to take care of herself.

"I'm almost finished, I promise," Danbi replied, her gaze barely lifting from the screen that displayed footage of the latest shoot with a newly debuted girl group dressed in the traditional Christmas colors. 

The hours slipped by once again like many they had the days before as she focused on finishing her work, but eventually, the ring of her phone broke her focus. Her eyes widened, seeing it was nearing midnight again and melancholy settled in her chest as she realized it would be the 18th in only a few minutes - another anniversary, this one marking five years since one of her close friends had been around.

Her thoughts were pushed aside when she saw the caller ID - Chan. Ever since her birthday, they had worked on rekindling their relationship, mostly exchanging messages with work updates and encouragement to push through but to also remind each other to take care of their well-being during this busy season.

"Hello?" she answered, her voice filled with uncertainty. The line was silent for a moment before his deep voice filled the space.

"Hi, Bi," a rustle echoed behind him. "Are you home?" His voice held a note of concern that she didn't miss. 

"No, I'm still at the company," Danbi set her phone on speaker and shifted her focus back to editing the thumbnail for an upcoming video. 

"Bi," he said, his voice gentle yet firm. "This is the second week you've been staying late. Go home." A sigh broke through his tone.

"I need to finish this," she said, rubbing her arms to comfort herself. It was half a lie, the deadline wasn't for another two days and it was as good as done to be approved by her manager. She wanted the escape reality for as long as possible. "And if I had to guess, you're still at the studio."

"I am about to leave." Danbi could hear a door close and lock itself in the background.  "Pack your things," Chan told her. "I will be there in half an hour to pick you up." With that and without waiting for her reply, he hung up.

"Bang Chan," she murmured to herself, shaking her head, but she knew he had a point and was grateful that he looked after her. She quickly finished the design of her work to send it over to her manager and began gathering her things to leave.

Chan leaned against the side of a black SUV in the side street next to the company, clad head to toe as always in black - jeans, boots, a sweater, a jacket, and a beanie. Even his mask covering the lower half of his face was black.

"Hello there," her words were shy as it was the first time since her birthday that they saw each other in person again. 

"Hi," the Idol replied, stepping forward to envelop her in a short yet still comforting hug. The embrace felt warm and safe, a gentle reminder that she would not be alone on this difficult night.

"Thought you might appreciate not being by yourself," he murmured, his voice low and soothing.

Danbi nodded, burying herself deeper into his embrace and closing her eyes briefly. 

"Thank you, Chan!"

✧･ﾟ: * ✧･ﾟ:*  *:･ﾟ✧ *:･ﾟ✧

"Would you like a cup of tea?" Chan had asked after they had entered her apartment and shuffled around her kitchen to fill it with the rich aroma of brewing tea while Danbi changed into comfortable clothes.

"Yes, please," she had replied, the ghost of a smile on her lips.

Moments later, they settled together on her couch, steaming cups of tea in their hand and a blanket draped over their legs.

"Is your brother alone?" Chan asked hesitantly, unsure if it was appropriate to bring it up. Danbi shook her head, her expression growing somber.

"No, the four of them are at his place." She shifted, wrapping her hands closer around her mug, watching the steam. "They always gather for the anniversary and his birthday. I used to join them before I left Seoul, but I couldn't do it this year."

Talking about Jonghyun always helped her; it was a stark contrast to the grief that clouded her memories of losing her parents. The mere thought of them brought tears to her eyes, but recalling Jonghyun brought a sense of comfort instead. 

Danbi took a sip of tea, letting the warmth spread through her before glancing up at Chan. 

"I can't believe it's been five years without him. It feels like just yesterday we were binge-watching Christmas movies and eating cookies together days before..." her voice broke.

Chan listened attentively, his silence encouraging her to continue.

"Half a decade." She shook her head in disbelief, grappling with the weight of time. "Grieving is so strange. I can't talk about my parents without falling apart, but with him, it feels different. Remembering him is easy—it still hurts like hell, but..." She trailed off, searching for the right words.

"Maybe it's because your parents' passing was so sudden compared to his," Chan suggested carefully, weighing his words. He wanted to be sensitive, afraid his thoughts might add to her pain.

"Jonghyun struggled for such a long time," she voiced her thoughts out loud, a bittersweet smile gracing her lips as she reflected. "He hid his struggles so well as if everything was fine when on the inside, he was suffering so much."

Chan stayed silent, watching tears brimming in her eyes and her breathing quicking as the emotions grew. 

"Everyone close to him felt that weight of blame for a long time," Danbi whispered, choking on the words.  "I did too for a long time," She needed to take a deep breath before she continued, "but I guess if someone wishes to leave this cruel world, they will find a way to go." 

A shaky sigh escaped her, her bottom lip trembling as the weight of her grief hung heavy between them.

Unable to find the right words to lighten her burden, Chan took her mug gently from her hands, placing it beside his on the coffee table. He pulled her into his arms, encircling her shoulders as he held her close. His chin rested atop her head, offering a silent support that enveloped her, soothing the deep ache in her heart a bit.