A Whisper

Chapter 17

My mouth springs open and I am so upset. How could he leave me?! I was dying and he decides to go to another country? Three months with no goodbye. "Why?!" I scream. "He needs to work to support his family." Are you kidding me? He moved to Paris for money? He is royalty for goodness sake! I should have known. He probably left, because he knew I'd die. He couldn't take it. I don't blame him. A prince shouldn't care so much about a dying girl. I doubt I'll be alive in three months. He planned this well. Home was hard. I refused to let anybody in. I refused to answer the phone. No one would hurt me again, because I wouldn't let them. Mom forced me to go to a counselor. She talked of an after world and how we shouldn't worry about death. I am not worried about death; I am afraid of dying. That feeling and shooting pain throughout your whole body where you shut down. Mrs. Piper was my counselor's name. She was clueless. She was married and had no children. We would pray before we would "talk about our feelings." I didn't know what to believe. She had no idea how it felt to be dying or heartbroken. The way she spoke about a higher power confused me. Alonso would come over every day. He would bring me tea and every other time he'd bring Q over. A good laugh with tea is all I needed. I could do this on my own. I could fight through this problem and continue living like Mason was never there. Attacks were limited to night terrors. Ann gave me medication which helped. I was afraid to sleep though. I couldn't wake up from my vivid nightmares. There was no hope. The dream was always almost the same. This light would touch me, and continue until it burnt me. The light would whisper, "It's not burning unless you let it take over your head." Then I'd wake up in a scream. I had no idea what this idiotic light was trying to tell me. I would distract myself often. Sabrina took me shopping every weekend. Alonso would take me away on adventures with Q every time we'd get a chance. Ann would allow me to sit on the porch every night, but I refused, because there were too many memories. Other than that, my life consisted of me being depressed in my room and going to talk to Mrs. Piper. She gave me a Bible once. She said, "All of the answers to every question you might have is in here." I didn't believe her; if that was the case everyone would have one. We started to go to church. Church consisted of people giving me strange looks like I didn't belong. They are right though, someone as sick as me doesn't belong on this earth anymore. I am so far gone, and I don't know where to go anymore. The preacher would talk of "the healer," and some "God." If God were real then I wouldn't be dying. If there was a "healer" my heart wouldn't be pouring out of my chest in so many broken pieces. I didn't believe any of their words. Mrs. Piper was a believer and would often try to persuade me. I was going to find this God, even if it killed me, and it just might. I loved the thought that there was a hope. I had a shred of hope, until one night. My mom was talking to me. She screamed, "Mason is gone! He isn't coming back for awhile! You have to let go and move on!" I broke down sobbing and ran out of the house. I lay on the grass of my front yard. It was night time, and I was far enough that no one could hear me. "God, you take this! I believe that you are there, because who else would be saving me?! Mason is gone and I am relying on you! I can't do this anymore, take it now, or take me away!" I sobbed as I finally prayed. Prayer was a shout into a void with nobody listening, until now. I felt this peace over me. There is a God. There is someone who loves me. Days passed by, but that peace never left. I smiled for real. I was not happy by any means, but I was content. I would walk around stores with Sabrina, and think about Mason. I felt like he was there. My thoughts never left him. I was no longer relying on those thoughts, but they still brought me joy. I felt close to him, because I constantly thought of him.