Rhymes and lies

I'm sorry but I think I love you

Truth is i have so much and nothing at the same time right now. Why locked? I have no idea, it just felt like it'd be fine, like it'd be the right way to express it. Maybe, i'm not sure.
When did it change? How did it? And why? Did i let it? Yes. Or no. Truth is there had been these weird sensations, all new to me, since some time ago, i'm not sure how much ago. Maybe two weeks, or maybe eight years. When did they come? How did they? And why? Did i let them? Yes. Or no. Truth is i don't want to face what is pretty clear, or what is really messed but waiting to be faced. Maybe it'll just clear itself up, or not. I think it will. Because i'm not enough, and i'm afraid, and i'm shy and i'm hurt. And i'm afraid. Afraid of what i already suspected of, afraid of what reality will show up when back in my head, deep in my mind, and down in my soul it was all getting to feel pink, with much glitter and full of butterflies. Almost.
Truth is i hate i find myself doing this right now, turning to words to just let it all go, avoiding what is already around the corner, and expecting to be found. Because i know it does. Doesn't it? But i know why i turn to words. I know that that is not what i hate; what i hate is to annoy people with these words. Because who would rather read a broken heart's thoughts, than go outside and enjoy all what i'm talking about? It's not bad, it's not wrong, it just is that in me, it feels so low...
Hearing voices in my head, sad to admit that one's yours. It could be anybody's, but no, is yours. Who are you, anyways, stranger? Are you even a stranger? I don't know you anymore. Or i do. There shouldn't be an "or". And that's when i know i'm lying, because i know you so.
Truth is some time ago everything was perfect, and i was doing right. I felt really proud of what i had, until that, done.
Sort of. Because without knowing i knew what all this would be about, and just like an innocent kid, i still wanted to try and drown. And i did. I'm drown.
Now it's been one hour of writing but tons of emotions poured out. And there are still more. Wanna keep reading? Then come and let me know. Because this hour has felt like less, and those tons of emotions were just a part of them all. Truth is i still have many things to take out, but that i won't cuz of my proud. Or what is left of it. And again i'm lying, because i know i'll do so.
Or maybe not.
Truth is i'm not sad because i'm not them, but because they're not me. I want to feel normal again, so please just go and continue with your plans. Continue with your life and feel happy to free your soul. I'll smile and be glad cause of you. Even when for sure it'll hurt, i'll put a smile on, because truth is after all, my smiling is just because of yours.