My Last Resort || ˏˋ°•*⁀➷ Ruikasa🎈🌟

Ep. 5 << For the Better

I just wanna say, for the rest of this story there will be plenty of mentions and depictions of triggering topics. Some are:

SH

SA

Abuse

ED

Suicide

And the list goes on. I won't be writing a warning for each episode, so please read at your own risk!
(This episode heavily mentions some of what's listed above.)

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Tsukasa POV

After getting home, I greeted my family and explained to them why I was out for so long. My mother was caring with me and guided me back to my room with food.

I felt guilty that I made her make dinner, since usually I would.

Saki came into my room and checked on me, so I put up a smile and hugged her, showing her that I was okay.

I felt guilty that I made my sister worry for me when she has more important things to worry about.

My father came into my room and yelled at me. He made sure that I understood how much of a disappointment I was.

I felt guilty that I couldn't do everything right to satisfy him.

By the time the clock struck 8, the house was officially on lockdown. At 8, the kitchen was closed and everyone would be expected to stay in their rooms since the man of the household would be going to sleep.

I didn't mind this since I enjoyed the quiet every once in a while. I slowly slid off of my bed, rubbing my feet against the rough carpet.

As I walked over to my bathroom, the sheer cold of the tile was horrible since I was used to the warmth. I shut my door and kneeled down at the sink, going through the cabinet underneath to find my pocket knife.

Every week, my father did a search of everyone's room to make sure we didn't have any "contraband". This list contains, but isn't limited to: drugs, alcohol, weapons, more than one electronic, etc.

Every time he found something that he didn't like, he'd add to the list. So, I kept my knife hidden under my sink cabinet.

Once I got it out and into my hands, I turned on the shower water.

Slowly but surely, I fully undressed myself and stepped into the warm water, smiling at the nice feeling. I shut the curtains and sat down, lifting up one of my legs.

The sharp blade made contact with my skin and slid across my thigh, tearing my flesh. Deep red pooled out of the gashes and onto the shower floor, traveling down the drain. I continued to tear my skin, wincing at the feeling.

Don't cry. You do this every week. You deserve it. Be a real man, Tsukasa. This isn't what father expects of you. I stared at my hideous body with a blank expression. Nobody will love you if you keep this up. Stop eating, you're getting fat. You're the reason why father is always angry.

As these thoughts flooded my head, I didn't stop. I began to cry as the cuts stung, only hurting more from the hot water that hit them.

They're just trying to take care of me... The least I could do in return is make sure I do what they ask of me. They love me, so they know what's best for me. Why am I not listening to them..?