My Last Resort || ˏˋ°•*⁀➷ Ruikasa🎈🌟

Ep. 7 << No Turning Back

IM GONNA START ADDINF MUSIC TO PARTS!! (I really like having nice music when i read and write, so i added it here to make things easier for me^^)

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The day after the meet with my friends, I was beyond exhausted and laid in bed all day. It was very fun, but I hadn't been that active since I was a toddler; if running away from security guards didn't count. The point is, my social energy bar was drained.

It was a ripe 6 A.M., a horrible time to be awake on a weekend. I had passed out so early the previous night, so I was awake at such an early time. The sun was trying to pry its yellow rays through my curtains, which I didn't want it to do. It was far to bright, far too early, and I was far too tired.

Well, I should focus on finishing this little guy. I looked over to the corner of my room, where a cute robot sat slumped over. It was smaller than my usual projects, but I grew a liking towards it. Despite wanting to work on it more, my hands and back said otherwise.

Sighing, I slightly rolled over onto my side. I was aching and so tired, but I urgently had to take my mind off of something. It was so unnerving, but I just couldn't stop thinking about him. Tsukasa.

I told myself that I was going to text him and try to talk to him again, but that was terrifying to think about. I didn't know what he'd think about me. Would he hate me for leaving him-? Yeah, who wouldn't? But then again, I was sure that he was a nice guy. Everyone else that I tried to make friends with either laughed at me or ignored me.

I had two perfectly great friends. Why did I want another- another who I didn't deserve? I should be content, because... I'm lucky to even have these people in my life. They've both known me since before I even knew myself, so why do I want more?

The sounds of my wall clock ticking mimicked the gears spinning in my head. I was so overwhelmed in my own mind, unsure of what to do. It felt as if my own body was turning against my will. I... I do want to try talking to him. Then, why do I hate the idea?

Again, Mizuki's warning about the blond reminded me of why I left in the first place. Even though that painted him in a horrible light, Nene had informed me that it was all fake. Who am I supposed to believe? It's not like Mizuki has proof, but...

Wait. Isn't that like, the only thing they need? Proof. If Mizuki was telling the truth, surely there'd be actual evidence. Also, Tsukasa just seems like a really sweet guy. Then again, some serial killers posed as amazing people. I can't tell a mocking smile from a genuine one.

That was the situation I was in. Anyone could be a horrible person, but... nothing suspicious happened when I was with Tsukasa. In fact, he seemed to be almost completely uninterested in women, besides his acting partner he mentioned. That was why the girl's claims seemed so unnerving to me.

I reached into my pocket and fumbled around, pushing away any scraps or crumbs that resided in it. My fingers wrapped around my phone, then pulled it out. I was curious about the boy's socials. Maybe if I saw him one more time, it'd solve my confusion.

Unfortunately, that was not the case. Tsukasa's accounts were all bland and barren, no new updates. Not to mention, he hadn't even changed his profile pictures. Nobody had tagged him in recent posts, either.

Not even his family? What if he... No. Surely then his family would say something about it. I opened up my messages with him and was bombarded by the last time I texted him. He was so excited to see me, and what I did in return was leave him.

I'm that bad of a person.

Tsukasa wouldn't want to talk to me. I completely abandoned him. I've barely even seen him at school for the past month.

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Rui.kami

I'm sorry. I don't know how to put this, but I know that I fucked up. I understand if you don't want to talk to me, but if you're thinking about responding, please do. I want to see you again. I want to make things right. Even if you don't talk to me, I want you to forgive me so I can stop feeling guilty. I want to seriously talk to you about my stupid decisions.

~~

Did I do that right? No, I said 'I want' too many times. This is so self-centered. I don't want him to respond just because he feels bad for me, I want him to respond because he wants to. What if he thinks I'm guilt tripping him? I am, aren't I?

... Whatever. I did what I wanted to, so now I can't get upset if he doesn't say anything back. Wait..!

'Read, 6:17 A.M.'

That was all I needed. That small notification made me feel satisfied and complete. No matter what happened after that, Tsukasa had read my message, telling me that he was at least okay. For some reason, I didn't worry about what'd he'd say.

Obviously I still really wanted him to talk to me and choose to be my friend again, but I left it up to fate. I didn't want him to think that I was coming back to him just to leave him again. I truly planned on this to be the real start of my story.

♡~♡~♡~♡

SORRY THAT THIS IS SO REPETITIVE MFMFNFMTFK

I actually have a few parts 100% finished! Im going to be posting them over the span of a couple weeks, but when i post them all, I'll have to write more.
Anyways, thank you so much for reading! 💖