Bill Kaulitz Imagines 🤍

It only takes one...

Trigger Warnings:
-suicide
-self harm
-talk about depression/breakdowns
This is another angst sorry guys LMAO

It was a late evening in 2007 and Y/n was touring with Tokio Hotel. She was the only one at the hotel as the others were out still. You see, being the only girl in a boys band can be stressful as jealously from the fan girls is insane.

Sometimes they would boo her if she started singing or shout horrible things at her. Y/n hadn't actually done any wrong, like, ever but jealousy is a poison. The majority of the fans liked her but it was always the horrible things that would really get to Y/n's head.

Everyone knew it was fucked up, including the management, but nothing could really be done, she just kind of had to suck it up and ignore it. As it would with any person, it would upset her, anger her and sometimes cause her to lash out. It also worsened her mental health which led to her breakdown in 2006.

A year later she was still healing, or so she thought.

'Y/n? Are you awake?? We're back!' a very tired Bill said, calling into the hotel room.

'Yeah, I'm in here!' you called back out to them. 'Where were you guys?'

'Sorry we took a while, we were running some errands and we thought it'd be best if you stayed here, there's a lot of fangirls tonight..' Bill replied, his eyes glistening.

'Oh okay, makes sense, well I'm glad you're back!'

Bill smiled and placed his coat on the chair and his bag on the floor of the shared bedroom he and Y/n had.

You left the room for a second to go put on some pyjamas and settle down for the night. You went to the bathroom and changed.

You opened the bathroom cupboard to get out your toothbrush. As you searched for it, a pack of razor blades caught your eye, it had been 8 months since you last cut so I suppose you gained everybody's trust back. You had an overwhelming urge, your brain was filled with all the horrendous things you could do to yourself, you felt in control. You liked having the power, it made you feel like you understood your emotions better and gave you temporary relief.

Not thinking straight, you took one of the blades out of the packet and hid it up your sleeve. You walked back out to the bedroom, completely forgetting to brush your teeth. You sat down next to Bill who is basically passed out and looked out of the window.

The view and the drop from the balcony attached to your room brought you peace. A strange sense of freedom in a way. Your mind was flooded with so many thoughts and urges you weren't even capable of crying. Your body went almost numb, same with your emotions.

You had been de-sensitised to these thoughts by now which brought a horrid sense of fear and guilt upon you but everyday you started to care less and less. I mean all it took was one car, one river, one blade, one jump, one rope...
Although you were healing from this breakdown the thoughts of ending it all never truly left your brain.

In fact, it was incredibly easy for you to get overwhelmed by these thoughts. You didn't talk to many people about it, you liked to be independent and you were too naive to realise it's okay to ask for help.

Carefully and quietly, you put one foot on the carpet floor and walked towards the balcony door. The temptation was so strong you were afraid of yourself in the moment. You very slowly slid the door open, unaware that Tom was still wide awake in the next room. Holding the blade in one hand, you were now on the balcony.

You looked down at the drop and your mind was flooded with thoughts and urges. You were the one in control. In such a mindset, you weren't thinking about the effect it could have on others, you were just focused on the decision you would make.

Now incredibly overwhelmed and tired, you climbed up onto the concrete wall blocking you from falling and looked down. Your breath was shaking at this point and you felt a sense of relief. Tom walked into Bill and yours room after hearing something and instantly noticed you standing on the wall.

'Y/n? Y/N! What are you doing, what the fuck!' he yelled, now waking Bill up. He quickly ran to you, opening the door and staring up at you in disbelief.

Still half asleep, Bill walked over to Tom and asked what all the screaming was about. Very quickly, he saw you looking back at Tom. The realisation had hit you and almost within a second tears streamed down your face and u dropped the blade, it landing in-between Bill's feet.

'Y/n..please....get down from there..don't do this.' Bill says, holding out his hand. Tom was still in disbelief and he was now tearing up slightly.

'Y/n please! Let's talk about this alright?...Just please get down from there first.'

Afraid, you took Bill's hand and got down and immediately broke down in his arms, falling to the ground.

Your mind was now blank and all you could say was 'I'm sorry.'

Tom rushed over too and hugged you tightly, the same as Bill.

'Shh, it's okay Y/n, breath' Bill said, softly stroking your hair out of your face. Tom whispered to Bill asking if he should get someone and Bill subtly nodded. Tom ran out to grab a security guard as Bill held Y/n in his arms tightly.

You finally returned to a normal state of mind again and started sobbing into his shoulder because of the guilt you felt. He gently rubbed the back of your head and starting saying 'It's okay, I'm here now.'

Shortly after, Tom returned with a security guard who asked about the situation and if Y/n was a high risk to herself and/or others.

As you were a sobbing mess, Bill explained the situation from his point of view and the security guard walked over to you.

'Y/n, can you look at me?'

And you did, you looked at him and he smiled slightly. He was now kneeled down and he said 'do you think you will be a risk to yourself tonight?'

'N..no, I think I just had a blip, I'm so sorry.'

The security guard was very understanding as he was the same one who was on watch the first time you had a big breakdown. They always seemed to come when it was quiet.

'Okay, just for your safety I'm going to lock this door for tonight and have someone on duty, is that okay with you?'

'Y..yes' you replied, sniffling and standing up.

The guard picked up the blade on the floor and went to get the rest from the cupboard, confiscating them.

Bill slowly walked you back to bed with him and asked if he could hold you tonight, just so he knew you were safe.

You agreed and slept in his arms.

IDK IF I SHOULD DO A PT2 TO THIS ??? THIS MIGHT B SHIT JUST PLS LMK
word count- 1236