Songbird

Twenty- Three: Colt

I hadn't seen her, but I knew she was back. I hadn't seen anybody, really. I'd taken some time off from the bar after Nina all but begged me. I pretty much just stayed home and tried to wrap my head around what I'd done, all under the guise of working on the house. I texted Lennie a few times, mostly saying I'm sorry and that I loved her and that she deserved better and all of the usual sad-sack type shit. I wasn't even drunk, just emotional. I hadn't touched a drop of alcohol since the night Carter had to come peel me off my barstool. Drinking had never really been an issue, per say, but it had definitely become a crutch when dealing with my mental state. Lennie had read every message, but never responded. Couldn't say that I blamed her. I wouldn't have responded to me either. Mom had helped me find a therapist in Dalton. Never thought I was the type of guy who'd go to therapy, but apparently, I wasn't as prepared to get through shit on my own as I once believed. I had my first session the Friday after everything blew up. We spent the hour basically just getting to know each other and I gave her the Cliff's Notes version of my shit. Couldn't say that I felt better or relieved or anything of the sort, but that would probably take a bit more time.

That Saturday started the championship finals of Beau's little league team. They were playing once early Saturday afternoon, then later in the evening if they won the first, and if they won that, the finals were on Sunday. Carter and my mom went with me to cheer him on. Carter was honestly blowing my mind. He'd morphed into this... deep, understanding sort of character, not something I ever expected to see out of him, but he was there. And he was quickly proving why he was one of my best friends, even if he annoyed me ninety-nine-point-nine percent of the time.

I spoke to Leon and smoothed things over as much as I could. He was still upset with me for nearly ruining his chance to get back into the game, and I couldn't fault him for that, but he forgave me. Travis and I were fine. We'd texted back and forth a few times. Honestly, the only two people that seemed to want nothing to do with me were Lennie and my sister. So, when I saw them both walk onto the stands at Beau's first game, I nearly shouted in surprise. They didn't come and sit with us, not that I expected them to. And I sure didn't expect Cora to leave Lennie on her own for me, so I spent most of the first game just staring in their direction. I know Lennie spotted me. I could feel her staring when I'd turn my attention away. I was fidgeting with nerves. I wanted to talk to her. I wanted to jump the three levels of bleachers that separated us and pour my heart out to the girl I loved, but something kept me planted in place. Fear. It was probably fear.

After the first three innings, I watched Lennie climb down and head off toward the concessions and Cora headed for us.

"You look like shit," she stated as she sank into the bleacher ahead of us.

"Cora Belle," Mom scolded with a roll of her dark eyes.

"Haven't been sleeping much," I responded dryly.

"You just gonna sit over here staring at her, or you gonna say something?"

"What can I say, Cora?" I asked with an embarrassed laugh.

"I think you probably owe her one hell of an apology."

"I've tried."

"Fuck off, Colton. A text does not count as an apology. You're a grown man, you're not Beau."

"Cora Belle, watch your mouth," Mom snapped.

"Sorry, Momma," Cora apologized with a smile. She turned her focus back to me. "I mean, it's obviously up to you, but sitting over here, staring at her isn't going to get you real far..."

"I doubt she has much to say to me, Cor."

"She doesn't."

I laughed bitterly. "Then why are you trying to get me to talk to her? So I can feel even worse than I already do?"