Dawn of the Swamp: A Tale of Terror, Turmoil, and Memes

Chapter II: Dance Magic Dance

Shrek sprinted into the woods, leaving all that he knew behind. If there was anything worse than his fear of abandonment, it was his fear of high school chemistry teachers. The sound of Walter White's intoxicating voice haunted his ears but kept him pushing on. Eventually, Shrek ran out of steam and had to sit down to take a breather. He really should have invested in that Peloton. Shrek plopped down on the mushy floor, uncertain of his surroundings, but too tired to take notice of the lurking dangers. He had never been this deep into the swamp before. There was little to no light shining through the trees overhead. Then...that's when he came to a realization. Here he was, alone and without any aid. It also smelled like a heaping pile of shit. Probably the worst smell he'd ever smelt, and he once stood near Donald Trump. 

Shrek moved his hands around, pressing against the spongy ground. That's when he heard it: the toot. Someone, or something, had ripped a fat one near him. Then, Shrek heard another, and then another, and another! What was going on? Startled, Shrek stood up. He looked carefully around before slowly walking over to the source of the sound. The shadow of a round stump appeared in the distance. Upon closer inspection, Shrek discovered it looked like a literal asshole. Ew. He turned away from that real quick. But upon turning around, he was met with an even more shocking image. A bulge! But not just any bulge...no...Shrek knew that mound anywhere. It was...

"You remind me of the babe," said Jareth, the Goblin King, looking down at Shrek with an amused expression. Of course! It all made sense now. Shrek was no longer in his swamp. No, he was in a bog, the Bog of Eternal Stench! Its majestic ruler stood tall and proud, power posing to the world. Now normally, Shrek appreciated a good set of balls in his face, but he wasn't in the greatest mood. He rolled his eyes and realized that Jareth was standing on top of a boulder, which allowed for a direct eye line to the bulge of power. This was what Jareth did, distracting people with his funky music and tights. Shrek wouldn't fall for the trap. He raised his head high, making eye contact with the fairy man.

"Ah, Shrek. How kind of you to visit my domain. I see you have yourself in quite the predicament, might I be of service?" Jareth sneered, ready to make a deal. Shrek cursed to himself. He knew this was a bad idea, but the Goblin King's powers might be his only way to cleanse his home of the evil Walter White. Shrek asked Jareth to help, promising to do whatever it took.

"I know why Walter White has invaded your home," explained Jareth. "He comes from a terrifying place where few dare to venture. I just so happen to need something from there, but I hate the commute. It's dreadful. Go in my place, and I'll banish him." Shrek knew he was going to regret this, but he had no choice. Only this incredibly obscure pop culture icon could help him. And so, he shook on it. Now, just where was Shrek headed? Only...the darkest depths of Hell, to meet with the Devil himself!