Dawn of the Swamp: A Tale of Terror, Turmoil, and Memes

Chapter V: Shrek Breaks Bad

Shrek walked down the long hallway, spying on the two grand blood-red doors that lead to the Devil's throne room. He smoothed out his shirt, wanting to make a good impression. As he approached, the doors opened on their own, announcing the ogre's arrival. A tall throne lay behind the doors, and atop it, rested the ruler of hell. It...it was...Lil Nas X! Of course! Who else should Shrek have expected? Nas lounged on the throne, shirtless, looking fine as per usual. The devil stroked his belly lovingly, his baby bump prominent. Ahaha! Shrek could work with this. He knew the trials and tribulations of fatherhood. The orge could use his experience as a dad to find common ground in these negotiations. However, as it turned out, even that was unnecessary.

Nas' eyes went wide as he took in the ogre. Then, he screamed in an entirely fangirlish way. "Holy shit. You're Shrek! I love you! I'm your biggest fan dude, like seriously." Nas stood up and walked down to Shrek, wrapping the ogre in a big ol' hug. Shrek blushed. He wasn't used to this much affection, but he was flattered. Shrek pulled back from the lovely embrace and told Nas of his troubles.

"No prob babe. I can take care of that easily," said Nas, smiling widely. With a clap of his hands, Walter White appeared before them! Shrek was instantly terrified. How could they defeat such a creature? Then, a beam of ice shot out at Mista White, and before Shrek knew it, the chemistry teacher was frozen solid! But who could call upon icy powers in the depths of such a steamy place? Shrek turned his gaze and saw Queen Elsa of Arrendale lowering her hands. Figures. The ogre brushed a stray piece of ice that pierced his shoulder, cursing under his breath.

"Let it go," said Elsa, rolling her eyes. This was the most random day of Shrek's life. However, although Walter White was taken care of, what about Jareth the Goblin King? Shrek turned to Nas, realizing that Jareth never actually told him what he was supposed to get. He asked Nas if he had any clue, to which the devil responded with uproarious laughter.

"Oh, Jareth was definitely just fucking with you. The man gets really bored in that swamp...or is it a bog? Idk what the difference is. Anyway, let's get you home!" With that plot thread swept easily under the rug, Nas clapped his hands again, and a beautiful beam of rainbow light appeared above Shrek. "Stay cute bb," said Nas, blowing a kiss at Shrek as the ogre slowly rose above, flying towards the surface world.

Shrek crashed through the bedrock that separated the world above from the one below. He landed in a mud puddle, which was perfect because Shrek had been wanting a spa day. He looked around and was pleased to find that he was back home in his swamp. Even better, Shrek was left with a new feeling: purpose. Perhaps Walter White had been sent to teach Shrek a lesson, to shake up his boring life, and to overcome past fears. And so, Shrek pulled out his Bunsen burner and smiled eagerly. He needed to cook.