Dawn of the Swamp: A Tale of Terror, Turmoil, and Memes

Chapter IV: Shrek's Inferno

NO!!!!!!!!!! FUCKKKKKKKKKKKKKK!!!! It was the Once-ler! Tumblr's most infamous sexy man. Shrek tried his best not to scream in absolute terror, but he couldn't help it. The Once-ler smiled, delighting in Shrek's palpable fear. The only thing that could possibly have made this worse was if...

"Hey baby, watch this," said another voice from afar. Shrek slowly turned this gaze to see...oh no...another Once-ler!! NOOOOOO!!!! THE ONCE-LER WAS GOING TO MAKE OUT WITH HIMSELF!!! This was a fate worse than death for Shrek. The only thing that would make this more terrible was if...wait, he probably shouldn't think that becau-

And then it happened. A sea of darkness appeared before Shrek, and before he knew it, all the Tumblr sexy men arrived. They stood side by side, forming a wall of sexiness that blocked Shrek from any chance of escape. Sans chuckled at Shrek's dismay. Bill Cipher tipped his top hat. Tony the Talking Clock did a little wiggle. There were more terrible creatures, but the ogre was doing his best to ignore them. He should have never run from home. He should have never made a deal with the effortlessly charming Jareth. He should have buckled his seatbelt in the gay truck. What would his husband and son think of his cowardice? Of all the easily avoidable mistakes?

But Shrek was no ordinary ogre. No, he was so much more than that. He had conquered the Gaydon, Beyonce. He had single-handedly defeated President Donald Trump in single combat. He had traversed across treacherous lands to sign those fateful adoption papers. If Shrek had learned anything in his journey, it was that he was a goddamn All-Star. If hell was where dead memes went to burn, then Shrek would welcome the pain. He had a mission to accomplish, and nothing, no matter how sexy, was going to stop him. Shrek let out a mighty roar and beat his chest. Nobody was fucking with him today, because Shrek didn't get fucked. Shrek fucked. His mighty demonstration of power struck fear in the hearts of his enemies.

The sinister twinkle that once sparkled in the Once-ler couple's eyes quickly disappeared. They held their hands up in surrender, signaling to the other sexy men to back off. Shrek roared once again, and that sent them running off in a panic. He had won the battle, but the war was not over yet. No...he still had to find the Devil, and this was only the first circle of hell. Actually, how many circles were there? Shrek looked around for a sign, and that's when he saw Ryan Gosling (Shrek was just like him fr). He went up and asked the glorious man where to find Satan. Ryan tipped down his sunglasses, giving Shrek an appraising look, before responding: "I'm just Ken."

Such wise words. Ryan raised a finger, pointing in the Devil's direction, and Shrek gave chase to the trail. Whatever challenges awaited him in this final boss battle, Shrek knew he could take it. Or could he???????? GASP!